https://youtu.be/T1AnBGtqpZk

https://youtu.be/H5NK549Lg1I

https://youtu.be/OW_zpi2hmI4

https://youtu.be/jSo5v5t4OQM

Its like

These ppl building streets

They do in summer, bc winter is not good for that

Doing things after the seringe is x times as productive as going in circles as currently

Antifragility, sometimes doing nothing is the best option you have

Like i use beeing lazy as a placeholder when i am too lazy to explain the concept

Like capitalisms always on, is not the peak of productivity

I will get a energy to try to get me to move

But usually there is not much to make me move at end cycle

4 days

Those are all setting environment but not adressing the actual issue

Like those work, but the ptsd will still be there and coming back

I wanna know where the core pattern is i need to change

I am stupi

The trans meds solve it for me~

Nevermind

I am way more confident

In looking for ppl to chill with

Bc i know what expectations i can reinforce and which deny

Like i will no guys but yes girls on everything sexual

Like my humor is kinky

But if i see someone actually stepping lines

I know who to politely decline

I feel a lot better

Like we talked about them beeing possibly ace

Bc both is okai and valid

If they want sex or not they are still mine

But if they are ace i still have sexual needs and urges

So i need to ask the question of

Should i see other ppl to satisfy that need

Guys definitely not

Me getting taken by someone else is no

Which i agree, bc i am kinda allergic to guys

Girls are okai tho

Like i have a interest in that from another perspective

Bc i actually have no idea how my sex works anymore

I would like to find a girl and have her try to explain to me how sex works as a girl n stuff

Bc obv they have more experience in that

Like i need someone to practically show me, bc i cant figure it out, or havent yet

Like if its not adressed it would always cause issues in the background

If i like have a need but my partner has that just slightly

That would be a long term threat to me and mine staying together, which needs to be adressed before it takes roots

With this they are still emotional not completely down

And i get the underlying need filled

Like my top priority is mines emotional state and not just taking what i want without regard , but them beeing still sane

Like we will see how that develops

But thats a good compromise

Like other girls are okai

Like i cant physically f anyone anymore anyways

I asked them what makes them more emotional trouble

Me having a emotional connection to someone or beeing physically intimate

In general guys are more jelly for physical and girls more emotional

Or replace genders with testo and e

But i still need to ask her if that is actually how she feels

Like i will not go out looking for someone rn

But i finally know where my borders are

That makes it easier for me to not do things which hurt mine

If i want more sex but they just don’t have more interest, i dont push them, i know which way a solution would be

They get some rest from me needing to satisfy my itch

I hope that will give them more space to be comfy and figure out without pressure, how much sexual attention they need and want

Had a talk

I also grabbed into the unspoken to get something out they said

They said they dont believe in what i am doing with the project,like in the unspoken

I was so apalled i grabbed it and pulled it out

https://youtu.be/eLmvdU7cwCw

https://youtu.be/D1IWHOjMVi4

https://youtube.com/watch?v=3479nYR90hk&si=k6pncntiZnvO4a_T

Thank you, just what i needed

Heres the explanation what ace is in memes

Things i appologize

I am not every judging you for anything

I am watching for you to jump over your shadow and actually start living

Thats what i am waiting for

I can’t just go and f other ppl

I could feel their little heart breaking along with mine

If then that’s something we need to do together

But mine has the sex drive of a g damn flowervase

Like lets see what happens when they get hormones ~

Like my kitten i love you truly, but like u know

Aaaaaaaaaaqqqqqqqqaaaaaq end of rave.

I am actually really happy with mine, she is a great person and makes great progress in her life

She is doing great and i couldn’t meet a kinder person

I love her dearly and truthfully

But she barks at everything like i do, without hormones

Like if i have the seringe, they annoy me

Without we both annoy each other

Like i am here bc i know what the issue is, bc i have the same, and then they a lot less buzzing and barking at everything

Like they are the most kind person ever

And i know if the hormones can fix my stuff

Then she will be such a even more beautiful soul

Girl i wanna actually see you grow and thrive as a person

So go and thrive already

Why

Do i even try to get something done at the end of the cycle ~

Btw

Mine seemed quite strained yesterday

My general life seems to irritate them a bit

Like they are getting their license etc

Like it feels like to me

When i locked myself out and just like did whatever i did

That kinda triggered a control issue

Bc they are checking if they can

Like if we fight physically, can i overpower you

But in general

And i may have made myself too out of reach

Maybe betrayal, bc the thaught they knew me and then i do something they didn’t expect

I think behind whatever it is, is the fear of loosing me

Bc they said in relation to something

Then i am not the right person for you

And i didnt know how to respond

But that smells like fear of loosing

If i tell you i will go, do you care, am i important to you?

Its probably that i can just like that suddenly move into a different direction

Maybe they were worried about me

Yes, yes i do, else i wouldn’t live with you stupi

May be general life thats stressing them too

But yesterday they were really different

Like i feel like

Without the hormones we annoy each other quite a lot

But with it calm again

Like i have the calm of a sage, i am getting thrown into hell and feathered into heaven on a monthly cycle

Like my stress tolerance may be other ppls insanity

Like i am a sub

I am waiting for them to give me rules and tell me what to do

But they just never do

They try and then go,. Nah joke

While i was already happily obliging

They dont pull threw and it frustrates me

Like i feel like they are cautious about giving me rules, bc they dont know if they can contain me if i bite in response

Which no, probably not

But theres no need to, i am giving them the leash, they can tie me up

Like my skillset makes many things possible

So i really enjoy being restricted

Bc it limits my options and gives me peace of mind

But they just won’t restrict me!

Like if you are trying to match, do the power levels match

Obv not

But i said that before me finding someone on the same frequency with the same amplitude is rare af

Like i am avoiding to say it

But if someone on that level is interested

They will just pick mine up and put them to the side while mine is convinced its the best thing for them

Like i keep the structure open so i dont loose them if something like that should happen

Like such ppl can apply ideologys and idea systems like they see fit

They can get it without crossing any moral borders

Mine is not even perceived as a threat

Like they probably also offer them partner

Like if i know the statistics, they do too

Like nono i will not betray them, its not even a argument on that skill level

I mean i will always support mine as dearly as possible

But like if something with interest ever should show up, the scales are quite clear

Like i am deeply aware of it, and i am ignoring it, focusing on beeing with mine

Bc mine is what i picked and they mine

And i stay loyal to them

Like they so sexually repressed ~

I wont say why but it odd

Bc their mum is making sexual jokes, bc i am obv also posing how sexually open i am

And everyone meets mine like, they are basically ace

No interest in sex, like not really

More they are scared of it

, of themselves

Like i am a kinky kitty,

Tie me up and fuck me already

Like i am waiting for them to grow as a person and come up here already, instead of lamenting the differences

Girl we get invited to the sex parties everyone else wants to go to

And do nothing there

Are you wasting your youth on purpose?

Like i am

So

Anno

Yed by it, bc i usually am understanding etc, its their choice etc, but it drives me crazy

Are y

Ou

Alive or not, do you want to experience or not, whats this indicicion aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa