Btw

You remember me screaming how lonely i am?

Yes, i still haven’t met anyone, since months like i am doing absolutely nothing

And i am so glad kyla is coming by, bc if i were to be honest i am going so mad from not having someone to cuddle

Like i just stopped talking about it, bc like kyla was there

Like they asked if i am that desperate

And how honest i am

Yes, absolutely, i am staring directly into madness please cuddle me

Like they are as desperate to get away from home, so that meets greatly

But like we would both throw a whole lot of resources at each other, just bc we both desperate

Which like is sad, but like really good, bc we both actually get a good solution to our problems

But like seriously

We took a weekend, and extended it on both ends by a day

Like we are both hyper nervous it seems

Like dont worry, i am really polite

And i have been observed by the public for some time and am still here

Like i have a strange but positive public record

Like i really need someone to cuddle

But besides that i am harmless

Like not if anyone hurts you, but like to you

Like i am a innocent and stupid creature,

Like thats why i never mass produced lsd

I am just too plushy to run a clandestine illegal lsd lab

Like no, i am stupid and i wanna be nice and help ppl, i cant be constantly Paranoid about police

Like worst thing would be having all the money, finding the right person, and then it all beeing taken away, bc yes actually the opperation was illegal, but like it took 5 years to investigate

Like that seemed so stupid

Like ill talk about it too much

Like obviously

Like i generally can be silent, but i have made myself a space where i can basically talk quite openly about whatever

Bc like i like to talk about that stuff

Like i think its so hard to be silent about this stuff, bc its usually stuff which is personally interesting to you

So like i am generally stupid and innocent

Like same with the police guy i met

Like he saw me and was like, oh you’re really polite, you can read the social rules

Like there are scary guys out there

Like i am scary bc i am smart and i could probably nuke you if i really felt compelled to, but am also totally aware of the scale

Like bc i can, does not mean i should

Like i am so happy i dont have testosterone in me anymore bc i would probably have blown us all up~

Like after lsd i was going for radioactivity

Like there was some interesting research on fusion reactors, but those are probably radioactive, like depending on fuel and method, but like

Helium3 i thinl is not radioaktiv, but everything else is

However, i am talking about helium, i was talking about kyla

Something i regret a bit, is i am pushing them a bit into the male role, and i am actually waiting for them to complain about it

But they will probably never bc of past relationships

Like i like that, i am waiting for a partner to push me down and releave me of my ever thinking mind

Like nooo i will only stop if i am pushed down and have no other options, like realistically, if i can break the chains, i will

Like its not about beeing restricted, like my mind only stops when i understand i have no other options, and i am smart enaugh to see threw all deceptions, meaning i understand when to give up

Like it was like when i choked on a salami

Like i knew i was dead, like it was stuck, i tried with my fingers, i couldn’t get it out, i accepted death and was happy

And then taking my custom wedge i had placed to stop my panic to be able to take my fingers and see if i can grab it, and letting go of that, basically stopping my natural instincts for a bit to do something, as i let go

My impuls set in and i somehow choked it out naturally

But like i deeply understand when it is time for me to just die and be happy

Like i tried and death was really pretty

So like i wait for a partner to take all oppertunity, but ppl generally are not smart enaugh to make mazes for me it seems, or i dont know them or would fuck them

So like only option is just pushing me down arbitrarily

Like the diaper girls mad that its own science of like using hypnosis, which actually works to my surprise

Like especially targeting sexual stuff, like yes

Like you will not think you are a chicken, likbute u know, but like it feels real, there is something about repetition of ideas in a specific manner

But like so easyes for me obviously is to push kyla into a male role, like i shouldn’t, but i profit from it, and they have been trained and wont complain

But i dont want that, i dont want to push them into that like that, i want play, not ego driven i profit decision making

Like i want kyla to have fun too, like i know a mental conditioning if i see one bc i know how to mess with ppls psychological, but i dont, thats petty i am not 16 anymore playing with the psychologists perception

Like i am actively trying to not do that, even tho it would benefit me, bc i would like to give them the space to be themselves and experiment

Like you cuddle me, i am 200%less needy, like its just psychological respones to stimuli, and their absence, like i am aware, the criticism is nothing to me

But like its probably odd to the rest of the world

Like i am part of that world, now with hormones, but like that takes time till i understand that

Like i know their entire history and bank data, i am not getting into the habbit of pushing them how i like them, i will treat them with respect, they trusted me with that, so i will use it responsibility

But like, gimme feedback please now and then so i can orient

Like i can push them down no problem, and they would like that, but like nono, stop hiding, ill treat you with respect, but you need to take it, bc my pawbs are fast and automatically adjusting in my favor

Like no i see threw all your layers of insecurity, you still mine

Like your mind is fast, but you really insecure, on training too

Like no, you can be proud of yourself and i will be proudly showing you off if you do

Like i am scary, bc my words cary my intent, i know

You are nervous, and i am too, a lot, but like i actually only got the best of intentions with you

And you do with me, and thats exactly why we are, i think a but sceptical and not trusting each other

We both expect to be hurt

But no, they are a good person, which actually only wants the best for us without much self interest

Like my e

X, terrible temper and suicide attempts

Like i was not better making lsd, like if i die, at least its high af, but like

Just expecting a partner to be loud, and i really hate anything loud, like you get sensitive to that rather quickly

X0 to all the poor souls in a marriage bc that was a random person around x years ago and you never actually liked them but dating was not as it is today

Like bipolar mum, i really dont like that around, so like actually finding someone that half way stable and not aggressive with anger problems, like u mine

Like no, i moved out and lived a good live with stable patterns, i just had no one to share it with and nothing to do, so i went traveling again

Like i will give you whatever you ask me for, and i think you are the same

That just leaves us in a pat situation

We dont actually need anything from each other besides cuddles, and just beeing arround each other

And 90

% of this text is my own insecurities,, but like yes, pat

*pat pat*

* wags tail *