I feel like

I am wasting my life

What am i waiting for again?

Oh yeah the money for moving

Whats the price of a moving van again?


The issue with being social is

It shows me exactly what i am waiting for

Like i mean social in a regard where ppl dont know me and i am not inside any family frame

Like u came to me, dont ask me for your values

I do whatever i like and you do likewise

Like a lot of social stuff is just boring to me, bc social stuff is ppl

So its the ppl that are boring, but i am only allowed to say that when i dont know ppl

Like they met me like this

Like i am trying to get to a point where i am just outside in a kigu and ppl know me like that

And then i can sleep when i am bored and ppl know i will sleep

But in general, i should only be somewhere bc i have explicit interest

Like i was at my mums birthday over the weekend, slept a lot, like the ppl seemed to have fun

But like idk wasn’t interested

Like ppl tried

But like i was hoping for something interesting to happen

Or to get some sleep, which i did

Like these hormones are making me mad in social situations, like ppl smell the hormones unconsciously

I need to ask my doc

This gel is a alcoholic tincture, like the ethanol kind from the smell

Like it smells like the destilled medial one you use for chemistry

Thats probably harmful to the fat of the skin, especially regularly applied

Like yes, probably just lotion, but should ask

I am in such a haze rn

Like general with living

Everything feels surreal

Like i am working

I am taking hormones

But i havent felt like the impulse where its like

Okai, i am moving again

May be the estrogen tho

Like i can do slow progress now instead of impulses

Like i think my issue is i haven’t had a interesting conversation in ages

Like the interesting ppl all got the same idea as i do, they all chilling in the bigger cities

Like its its own archetype of young going to big city

Like i like that story, its romantic

It makes for good sstro… Story writing..

I completely forgot

I was writing my life like a book for myself to read for some time

I should get back to that






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