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Slowly losing mind

I am slowly loosing my mind beeing inside, i am pacing, i am unsatisfied and i am whining.

One of my teachers once said that to me” you are like one of these animals at the zoo pacing arround in their cage “

And i think she was right

I am pacing and i dont like the cage, its just too small

Like yes, you get steady reliable food but i am just not a housecat

I have a sun to lay in and fish for my claws

In view but i am not there

Update, i am getting to levels where i would prefer my skin getting peeled off, and i know i will do that i will litterally scratch to blood, like chicken in those breeding things

I had it mapped once, like in thext, but i dont think i have the screenshot anymore

Its a panic attack, basically like claustrophobia but the small space i am afraid of is the entirety of the social structure arround me, i have 2 options, destroy it. Or run, basically fight or flight

I did that for years, so i am used to it, but basically i just sit threw it till i can get out again,

Thats probably something that solves itself with the transgender thing,

I mean either the docs where i have the appointment help me, or i will just never look back at the entirety of the medical system and buy it somewhere else

Like i am in pain, u help me now or i will be the enemy of this system as long as i live and if i have the chance i will destroy it where i can~