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I speak UwU Amelia

I will try to speak as honestly as possible

The world is scary

I walk upright and with purpose

I need some cuddles ahhhh

I fear my plans, they bring me so much out of my comfort zone

My big decision is if i want to go to the next therapist appointment, its the best rout

I would still like to get the hormones myself, just for beeing in a position where i cant be refused on that area

I find myself slipping into littlespace more and more

To describe littlespace, i got that from the ddlg girls, its a little-space

A small mental space

The more you are alife the bigger your space of experiences get

In the same wasy, or in contrast to that, little space is a small mental space

Now what does small mean?

The last time your was probably small, was as a kid

So the base idea is, just do something childlike

It has a interesting appeal to businesses types, and high income/high stress ppl, like they have that, so they are longing for the opposite, a moment of a small space

You basically change the subrutines

Coloring books, pacifiers, plushies etc

Coloring books are, sit and do this low brain effort thing that just makes beauty

Pacifiers are a social excusion, you are not required to speak, bc you cant, there is something in your mouth, also it does what it was designed to, it calms

Also, great for sex, did you ever have the situation where you are too lazy to moan, but you want to tell your partner if you are enjoying it or not? So there is this dychotomie causing irritation?

Same idea, you cant moan, or are socially excused, question solved

Plushies, are a soft friend to hold at night, thats always a plus

However, i feel like i am where i want to be, still i need a companion

Maybe i find a dog or a parrot or something

For now, beeing so undersocialised, like i talk to like 10 ppl a day, like irl ppl, but no deeper conversations

My life is such a gamble, but i have made a plan, and i hope it works

I have a feeling that i cant describe

Its like a deep melancholy connected to reality itself but it also gives deep insights

Like a deep connection to everywhere you go, like beeing at home everywhere

But without knowing ppl its not that intimate, still profound af

It may be the Netherlands car unfirendliness, and gas prices

With my current plans, that should not be a problem

Still i little space,

I small, i fear, its okay, cuddle the plushy

It may get easier as i am planning rn, especially with the summer

Big question is still the therapist, if that meets, or i say, no i have made my decision

Like it would be a honer able decicion, but i also small, maybe a bit of help^~^

I will see

I guess its just uncertainty

My songs got quite female lately, i cant post all of them rn, but i will^~^

Quite calming^~^

To the hormones, like the problem with transgender stuff is this uncanny inbetween zone, i have that, and i knew befor it, i wouldnt like it, i still dont like it,

So like there is a situation with the fat redistribution by the hormones

This is the main thing to get out of that valley

May some like it, i dont like the uncanny that much in that context

Like, i love girls clothes, like i look so cute, and dont get me startet on black dresses, like nooononnno no i am not giving that back :p,

Same with skin care, same with skirts, same with trading receipts, same with a lot

I dont like the shaving, like beeing shaved is great, but not with male thick testosterone haires, too much work, hormones solve that

Same with kids, like kids love me, i am a fox, i have a tail on my jacket, i have ears on my hood

They are fascinated af

Like as a girl you can easily interact with random children, as a random guy, you are really carefully watched

I have that with a lot of girl things, so like its kinda logical where i go, like you can think years about that but like sounds bout right

Another thing on my abstract to do list

So basically the hormones are the main part, from there you got more time and relaxation, from the reports i read,

It works great, estrogen is a slight antidepressant, basically all

The mental stuff, depression etc is hormonally done

So you basically change the base layer, and all those have nothing to stand on anymore + antidepressant

Like that sounds good

Also it seems to work better with psychedelics, like i have seen girls take acid like it was a weekend trip, like not ammount, but the effects, like a tiger grounding in reality itself

Like i had a dream where i was in the same acid, and i could barely follow the mental tooling, set between the 2 girls

Like they were speaking so much hidden in the uncertainty /vagueness of language, it was incredible to watch, like they were actually just speaking in small refference to what they were doing, its like a good tennis match, but damn, i will figure out how to do that, i am facinated

Like u see, i am just fascinated by things, so i go and do, and then i am small but doing, in a dualism

I have seen beauty, so i will follow it, to a place in the fabric of reality, where mirrors are a made of Mercury

In love Amelia

P. S.

If i have a moment of feeling really safe, i will do the art on the website, give the website a personality, like litterally, give it a sona

Like, if i see this as a business about me, i should sell myself like a personal brand

Defining my values and character, but with the fursona as a barrier or mask i can take off if its too much

Ohh btw my main goal is to be here a bit, and then go to a work and travel offer, where you work a bit and get food and stuff for that, like that sounds like fun, and i can put into my plan with the hormones, like i am not certain of its conflicting or a great addition, like a want a smooth shift between phases, die phasenpherschiebung meines lebens ist setzbar, damit editierbar, therefore gradientable for the future subjective impression.

Btw you can bet these blogs will be a book i sell, so hi me in editing ^~^you are doing great, love you, i get it, care please, you can do it. Hi ppl reading the book~ this is awkward ~ have a cookie’ time is a odd concept, isnt it^~^

You know i also have a really cringe phrase i made in a acid dream

Lets love

For us

Like, i can 100% support that, but like its almost too clean, but like its a great slogan, i may use it again for the website sona