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Did i mention

Apparently nothing i do or have done is suicidal

According to the therapist

Like i am trying to die quite frequently

But apparently its no issue

It makes me wonder

I had the theory

That the difference between a

Mental problem

And just living

Is the awareness of it

Like according to the therapist

As long as i know i want to die and

Implement little stuff to not die on the over ego

Like i am not unconcious, and therefore its not suicidal

Suicidal seems to be not having the awareness to stop it

Like i will give myself free range to try to die

But i will make it hard by limiting it to something which is hard to get for me

Like for good reason

Guns are lame

Like you might not fully die, or worse

You die, wake up again after half a h

Are in pain and then die

Like waking up is a real problem with guns~

Like heroin, or like fentanil seem to be the only reasonable options to die

Everything choking related is like drowning

Like we have strong anoying body reflexes against that

Like i can reasonably die under those circumstances, if i know there are better options


Also like

Doc asks me if i hear voices

And my answer was

Yeah quite frequently

Like i use it as a ai to organise larger mental processes

I call it a anima personification

Best facial expression in some time:p

Like they are looking for unconcious harmful behaviour

Me beeing like

“oh yeah, i use it for that purpose , its probably that”

Does not count as mental health issue

Like its uncommon behaviour, but like theres nothing for them to fix there

The voices are not telling me to die outside of my control

I am using them in a logos like fashion to organise stuff^~^

Like the logos like, itself is a refference to the foundations of the mental framework, with like greek philosophy which our mental stuff is build on

So like

Its the tools that were already used like this historically so it would be odd to claim a issue there without questioning the foundations of what you are doing as a therapist ~

Like i am a genius or crazy, but my mental seems quite stable even with me doing that behavior, from a social standpoint

Like my mental tools confuse them all the way, bc they are quite uncommon

But they seem to work without problems

I seem to be more stable than most ppl they see