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Fedi is still as calming as it always was

Idk it feels a lot more how social media should be

Like its ppl just chilling, doing their thing, without a regard for what ppl think

Like it lacks the corporatism and appeal to please the last generations and their not understanding and trying to savespace, and i dont think thats bad

It just makes ppl calm and at peace

Like there is no outrage, its just ppl do different things and thats okai

Like i was trading cake recipes back then~

But like how to make cake is not treated differently than someone’s foursome, and i am quite happy about that

Like in that sort of environment i can chill

Like its like those African tribes where girls just walk arround with boobs exposed, just bc its not seen as something sexual there

Like nah, you ppl are the odd ones for taking everything sexual, its is not inherently so

You are the ppl making it weird by beeing offended by it

You are the issue, not the body parts

But like i wont say that, bc who cares about convincing ppl about anything, let them run off the cliff and get popcorn ~

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Like running out

Of money was actually a great experience

Like there are certainly more fun things

But its certainly something to do 1ce in your life

Like from a experience standpoint

I am sure its great for character development or something to that regard

Also like i am kinda monetizing it bc more ppl probably know me now ~

So like certainly interesting ~

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I have so much to do


I need to finish editing that video

Like i usually wouldn’t, but like i also make the sound quality better and stuff

Do burocracy and then work

If i manage well, then there should hopefully be nothing in my way by Tuesday ^~^

But tomorrow will be hard ~

Like that burocracy is what pains me, without that, things would be sunny

Like its the tax ppl, and its a IT issue on their side, but if i cant get them to move it will still cost me 200

Like its like the 4th time now that i am trying to resolve that~

I want that finally closed so i can focus on important stuff~

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The thing about the food delivery is

Like it also keeps my calories up, persistently

Like if i dont gain weight with hormones and someone consistently send food to me

Like it has a health benefit besides convenience

Like i had a dream with a fridge full of pizza

And was confused, like why i have so much pizza, like great but odd

So thats when i remembered those ingredient delivery things exist

Like i should have food in case, but basically, they send what i need with how to make it

I looked into their tos, you can basically quit without much issue for the one i looked at

Like if the big payment is gone my moving budget is half done

Like then ill consider testing the smallest thing they sell to test

Like it’ll cost me 40 for a week, like its on sale for 15, but like i calculate with real price

It gets cheaper the more you take

But like i can just get more easily, but like i wanna test how much of a difference it makes

Like it fits well with me not having to go shopping that often

So like i can also phase out the energys with the smoking, possibly

Like it will probably also help with getting a apartment

Like u talk with ppl,

Yeah i work from home, and i do my own stuff

Oh yeah smart home, ah my food just gets delivered

No i dont smoke or have pets

Like i sound really comfy and less like, student who will party a lot

And like i dont really do much, like i am a handful, but i am basically quite tame if the hormones work

Or really hyper bc antidepressant

Like girls, remember your puberty? Yeah, that will be great fun:p

Good thing ill be arround much new ppl, i think that will be really interesting ^~^

Like i sound impressive on paper

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Like i was

Raised properly for a guy

If i needed money my dad would just offer that i help with work

And like carry a palette of stone stairs up 3 layer of stairs

Like to raise a guy, thats great parenting and showing the value of money

Like it was never preasured, but i still did it anyways, bc what a guy gonna do, refuse a challenge?

But like thats not how my brain works and i am somehow a girl:p

And still dont understand the value of money~

Like i am such a brat, bc i am just a brat:D

Like the idea was good, but like whatever i am seems genetic or something, where i will still do what i was designed to do

No matter the education

Like if i want i can, but my wants are quite curious and odd often

Like you cant uneducate transgender

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Like in terms onf val3

Value judgments

Like speaking about cost function optimization on that for value

Like ppl aim for like designer stuff

But like there is a category over that


Like something greatly made, which is custom has intrensically more value

Bc like i am sure you would like to buy it, but you can’t bc it was specifically made for me

Like including design

Like no matter the cheaper price in another country, i know a experienced artist if i see them

Like thats the thing with artists, it takes forever to get good at it, but at some point they just dripping with value

Bc they just make something cool you cant buy

Like i am optimizing too, but not on brand, but custom quality

Like it takes time, but i think it will be really worth it

Bc at some point everything will just be high quality

Like not brand better material, but deep custom fitted, plus better material

But like your entire environment needs to be adapted to that

Like i was the male child of a like outside working person ruff guy,

I don’t like beeing dirty~

Like i have nothing against getting dirty, but like

For instance, working that job, i would get mad with all my fur arround, trying to keep things clean

Like these things require some upkeep

Like i will not do the upkeep for a designer thing, but like if i like chose the fabric, had it custom made to my measurements,

Like obviously I’ll do the upkeep for that

Like everyone likes nice things

But also everything you own, owns you

So i am really careful with getting the high level items i want

And making sure they really are what i want~

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Like the idea is

I work my normal job to cover food and rent n stuff

And side projects and jobs for everything i randomly want

I should have a puffer for if i really need something

Down-payment, money for furniture etc to move in also has its prepared budget

Like if everything works as planned, things are looking good

Like i should be sufficiently motivated to make money on my own, but also have the important things secured, and a buffer if i miscalculated

Like from there i can work

In my mid 20s, working from home, with a side quest, the apartment smart homed, and my food delivered to me automatically

Near a bigger city but a bit outside

A sufficient skill set and my psychologycal fixed

Like if i can get a random stack, i am golden

But like i should really not have much to complain about ^~^

Like i will probably still to~

Like thats the trade with high risk high reward psychological traits

Its really unlikely we’ll win, but if we do, its big

But its not like its a choice ~

Like i will not have sums of money to spend yet, but i should be living quite comfy anyways

Like if i survive till then and dont get hit by something again~

Like by age, i can just mix in with the other ppl studying whatever economics degree they are doing

But like i dont need to reorient after i have my degree

If i make a step foreward from that point

It should go directly into my pocket

Like education here is free, and the loans are great, like without interest, and like you only have to pay back like half of it

But like u still paying a loan, meaning economic slowdown while in your best years

Like i would take that loan, no question, from a economical standpoint like half is free money

But it also would bind me to showing up at some school each week

Like i could study art or something

Like i think my time is better invested elsewhere

Like ill probably be there anyways bc i met the ppl somewhere randomly ~

But like ill try this one^~^

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Like with food

Outsourced, and me finally getting my hormones, the last items baught and big bills paid

I can readjust budgets to nails, hair and social stuff

Like there is only 1 hair person i trust in this area to do a premium job, but they also are not cheap

Like the others are good too, i am just bratty about wanting good, when i readjust things

Like i dont want to get into a habit of buying cheap quality services bc they cheap

Like i am girl and i had enough trouble for this life, like no, i aim high like i always do

Also i need to find nail girls with good oils

Like in a big city, like you have 10 to choose from, so either i wait, or go looking for someone with good quality

Like nono i am completely mad

But i will still try to get what i want

Like the bathtub is the most important thing

So like moving is probably more important

Like next payday i hopefully have half of what i need, like depending on how much that big bill removes, and other ppl asking for money etc etc

Like if i can actually keep my money, i should have half, but its a tight fit

The month after i should have

Like then i can go looking for a appointment

And from there i can add extra for furniture and security and actually making sure i have 3 months

Clean up things here properly

And then move

Like if the side job continues as planned ~

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Do you get good fabrics?

Like if i have everything done and am stacking

Like i can get like really good quality fabric

And bring it to someone in a country where making things custom is cheap

But like if all my measurements change with hormones, i need to wait~

Like i feel like a girl needs a good cashmere winter coat with fur

And a silky back summer dress

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To my social tendencys

Like i am quite unsocial

But like i actually met ppl i vibe with but they usually, smart, artists or furrys

Its the type of person who has things going on

You can meet and work on stuff separately without issue, or like do something together

But that fear of

Oh another person is here, we need to do what’s in the social rulebook

Is not as prominent

Like with those ppl i vibe, but they seem rare

Like consistent with statistics

But like from experience

It seems i am more really picky than unsocial

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If i can avoid the ppl asking larger sums

There is actually only 1 item for 7 i need

Which is the Bluetooth remote keyboard

Then its just addons

Picture frame for tv

Toilet water thing

Like i will try to not spend all my budget from then on, and put part of it to the side for other random purchases ^~^

Like cheesecake, more sweets, or whatever comes to my mind or comes up randomly, mirror foil

Like i am just filling a value pool then to use^~^

Like i am scared to spend 7 untill i am sure those ppl are not asking for bigger sums

Like the 7 wont make a difference ~

Still, i do

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I have found my solution

There are cheap plastic shelves

Like you dont buy those if you have any common sense

Bc you open them and get the feeling your shelf is collapsing

But there is actually a solution to this

You secure them to the wall

You should secure all shelves to the wall

No one does, but you should

Second, they are ugly

But no matter, bc i will reskinning them with mirror dragon scales anyways

Like the thing is, they have also a practical matter, bc i can expand by usecase

Like if i sit there like, i have this great shelf, but like i just have too many clothes for it, like thats a issue

Like this i can just expand cheaply by need

Opening will just be done by string going along the back and 1 small motor

Like i want just a mirrored wall, push a button or something and the scales open up and you can get whatever you want

It makes the room bigger, and also its just cool

Like bout 50 for a 1x1m cube, like including everything

Ill put it on the list~

Also like, i have a avertion to heavy shelves n stuff

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I will

Probably use trello

Like i can give the guy the link to his board and he can watch whats in queue, whats beeing done, and whats done

Like you can tell ppl whats going on, but like this they can just look at it an see how things are progressing

I am curious if i can link my general project management and trello

Or if i can just give the link for my project management to a specific project to someone

Like i like the progress bars it has

Like thats furry comissions

You pay me before i start doing anything, bc you only have so many customers never show up again till you start asking half first

No working for exposure etc

Its the training of a social structure which has a active marketplace

Where you can actually try what works on real customers

In this case, without having to buy 10000 worth of stock, bc you are selling furry art

Like life gets messy, but i cant be running after my money all the time~

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Looking good

I should be able to do that on Monday ^~^

They just send me the video there,

The reason u use email or drive is, files actually get compressed by all those apps,

So the result will always be better with better quality video

Like u ppl know me ill probably do it tomorrow ~

But like if i dont put ppl in slots despite how i actually do it,

Ppl will always expect to get it as fast as possible

Like quality will decrease if i am stressed, so its actually quite important i keep myself comfy^~^

Like i need to compare the refference they gave me to what they are already doing to get a feel for what they actually want

Like they are not split testing based on data, else things would be more specific

Like i can probably put my autouploader as a bonus gift onto negotiations

But i would probably need to explain how to use it~

Like i said, who knows what the market does:p

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I need

To change the db on the server

Btw i just got cigarettes, bc like 2 weeks till i get hormones ~

They so expensive 0-0 like usually i buy 1ce or 2ce a week tabacco for like 5

1 pack alone is 8, like that be so expensive, how u ppl smoking?

Like thats where i am selling the premade video content, which i was generating with the script

And i got a request for video editing on that

Like at some point i noticed, its usually enaugh to be arround in the market, ppl will hit you up with whatever they need

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Like the

Thing about my mind is

I have completely forgotten about the hormones again and am thinking about mirror dragon scale shelfs

Whilst ignoring someone who wants to do something

Like i feel like i have been just alive too long

And my mind is already going

Oh whatever, next moment of living

Like i can’t tell if i have just given up

Reached some higher state of understanding

Or both

I think I’ll sleep a bit and forget the question~

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I am thinking about how to make

A better clothing and general storage

Like future style

I want white glossy plastic

Thats doable, you can heat plastic and vacuum form it over everything

But like you should not use that oven to cock anything after that, bc its toxic

But like completely doable

But like i need to decide on a shape ~

Like there should be a reason it has that shape which is better than what you can already buy~

Like i am thinking about having like a flip table, bc u saw those flip holders to buy

But like i need aesthetically fitting storage

Like i would like something like dragon scales, so

Like i can make them move when i wanna get something

Like i think that would be cool, if your wall moves like dragon scales

Especially if they are individual mirrors

But like that would require good planning ~

Or a 3d printer and good planning

This, but opening the other way arround like dragon scales, shape of scales, and bigger

Like a basic flip box, but white plastic and cheap enough, so you can buy a whole wall of them

And like each min a4 size

This, but a wall of those would be too expensive

They are 7 per pce

Like i can retrofit mirrors and making them move

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So the watch is working

It says oxygen saturation is 97%

Heartrate between 70 and 100

I am underweight, like thats nothing new

But my rating gets better as a female quite a bit

I am happy with it, if it also takes random heartrate measurements, i am glad

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I had the air filter and

Humidifier off for like 2 days

And like before i was wondering if they are even working

I put them on again, like they make so much difference in air quality

I need to do something about the noise

Like its like a small laptop noise level, but like i unplug certain power cables, bc they make a slightly not even hearable noise ~

Like u already know living in a city, i am putting noise foam on my walls~

Like its also good for heating cost, bc its isolation

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Okai, so i ran out of

Flour while making bread

Like the dough was done but wet, so i used breadcrums to finish is

Rolled it into bread stocks, 2-3 cm wide, length of a sheet, added seasoned butter ontop and chilli, like raw chilli not flakes

Now i bake that, cant wait

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Btw if you

Haven’t noticed

The tv replaced the fireplace in the home, as the center of attention

Like the whole room is usually arranged arround the tv/fireplace

Bc like thats where the heat is

That should help in decorating

Like i am replacing the fireplace with art, in this case a picture frame, and then i can like display a fireplace looking thing or something, like the backlit leds help:p

So i am mixing the fire with plants for contrast

Like thats a stupid idea with a fireplace bc its too hot, but like its the symbolism before that, of having a fire in nature

Like table in relation to tv is hard, but table in relation to fireplace, like its obvious where you put it and how you arrange it

Those greek stickys, like massive marble stone things holding up the building, those are trees, like ppl still put plants on them to this day~

So you are arranging with todays aesthetics but in the background you are arranging BC tribal

Bc we intuitively understand that environment deeply

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So like

If you young

And your parents walk in and cant close their doors

Heres a cheap solution

Like it makes it harder to open the door

But it solves it

€ 4,01 55%OFF | No punching automatic door closer closing sliding door wooden door home closers

I should get affiliate links~

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Watch is now loading and showed indicator

Like i put it on the normal 5v power brick, did nothing

But like on the laptop port its doing fine, probably only takes 3v and voltage protection if 5v

Also, i think i have figured out the shaving stone thing

Like its a everyday a bit thing

Where like u shave it down, and then just keep that up with this thing, which like doesnt require that much effort

Like its a tool for when your routines are stable

Like its not just social, like i am surrounded by fluff and plush, beeing shaved is quite great^~^, if you can keep it up

Like its only useful with the hormones, bc male hair are quite a lot thicker, so like~~

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In the comments

Ppl are having tge same issue, but like loading or something it works, like it has no loading indicator light or something ~

Like i dont really care about the smart watch, i am looking for a heart rate sensor wich connects to wifi

Buying a cheap smartwatch is just easier than finding a hert rate sensor which connects to wifi~

Like if i can get it to turn on~

It will load for now

Like cheap chinese watch i might be able to easily jailbreak, and add to my custom script, like easier than Samsung or something

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Okai, so

Stuff arrived

The hair removal thing

Like it actually works and my skin is quite smooth^~^

We’ll see about endurance

Leafe decorations look great on the tv, like it needs 1 of these old white picture frames, but then it looks great^~^

Laptop stand is okay, does stand, but it kinda slips in the lower positions bc my laptop is curved at the bottom front edge there, ill find a solution someday, but generally works, like i could just bend it a bit, but ill be careful for now~

The smart watch is confusing me, it says to push the function button for 3 sec, but i couldn’t find any button yet~

Ip camera i haven’t tested

Dremmel, eyebrow thing, and smoother, all need batteries, which i domt have rn

Door closer is a bit loud, but generally works, like it has quite some pull~

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Btw like

If i moved, i will try those food delivery things, like which send you ingredients, but you make them yourself

Like i looked at them and they were quite expensive back then, but now they actually reasonable

Like 30-50 a week for me

And i dont really have to go shopping, and get some variety

Like if i moved, i have no bigger upcoming costs, i am hopefully at 3 months rent in backlog and am slowly stacking to 6

Like i am not doing vacations, like what u mean i sit arround all day doing nothing

Like thats what i aim for in normal life

Like i wanna explore and do stuff, like lemme get lost in india for a month till i find back~

So like, i have no bigger expenses after moving

So like i let my food get delivered to me into my smart home

Like it fits well with not having a car

Like then i should have all systems comfy^^

Like i need to set things up, despite the trans disruptions

Like if i am not smoking, i need good food arround

Like i should enjoy globalism as long as we have it

Like ill still work on growing my own, decentralization and such, but its a good baseline

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Made a wall mount, took me like 15 min

Like its not with arm, but it does its job

Still missing the Bluetooth keyboard tho~

Also like i found decoration

Luminous aquarium plants

Like those look so alien

Also i found a door opener for 20

Like its one of those push to open ones, but it should work the same

Take off the lock, push the door and it opens, else its closed by the automatic closer

Like idk if the opener and closer will conflict, but ill see

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Oh btw

I have someone who has cowbells playing, like always and its making me mad

Like i would not say that to not be rude

Like its completely understandable bc its repetitive patterns and like that really first certain ppl

I am talking top down about ppl again~

1 sec


Acidental expetion key, import frame sociology, science, top down systems view, validation appeal to authority, Artist, soc. sys. engineer


Certain subjects experience a stability threw pattern repetition, by visual or auditory means, as such the subjective ego function is necessarily claiming such patterns in their selective persuit

As such the arbitrary case may be present in the processing differentiated ego perception of statistically unlikley subjects

In conclusion the reflective tendency of the ego, via the subconscious means is present as a validation of such, presenting a low level necessaty despite personal afflictions and affections.

Dissolve frame.

So like it makes me mad, but its completely understandable, so i should not complain to the person

Music is really subjective, i am sure some ppl dont like my music, sill i get to pick environments and repetition is not my particular case

So like, change nothing, but i will still complain in my diary about it~

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I think i al

Alienated all the drug related ppl in my proximity

I don’t think thats such a bad thing

Like i should be social

But also last time was quite stressful afterwards

Like maybe after hormones ~

Like yes i am totally selfish brat

But also whats the hurry~

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U know

I just watched one of alex videos

And he was like

After all i am not doing this to get famous or something

Like it made me think

Like i dont think i am doing that, like i am not targeting that

Like i am a major brat

But i always was, like that high ego is nothing new, i had that before ppl actually knew i existed, ask my ex:p

Like no, i am so gone beyond the clouds, always was~

Like fame would be easy, you pretend to be a good person, buy some followers and fake it till you make it and end up with a bunch of kids following you and asking their parents for money

Like i think i will be a brat if i get the chance to but i dont think its actually something i am aiming for

Like i think i am sometimes quite manic and that is kinda confusing me in this regard

But i shouldnt claim confusion~

Like idk gimme the hormones already and we’ll see

Like i feel so bad for using my dads car all the time, like he also has better things to do

Besides economic costs

Like i could just take a train or something ~

Like i chose to unregister the car

Like i just wait 2 weeks for the hormones, like depending on therapist

Like i didnt say which, else i wouldnt have told that, that was his courtesy, thats why i even claused that, else i would just wait~

Like just give me the hormones and leave me alone already~

So i can sit and draw and do nothing

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I basically got 2 layers in 1 contract,

First the crystals, which get payed by ppl

So thats basically a adress which is payed to, but the initial posting is also payed

And then comments which are connected by a factor to the first layer

Or actually, i can do that easier

I have 1 object which always refers back to the last object

Like how a blockchain works

Like i understand blockchain, but i dont understand it in the context i am using it in

Bc like its a bchain, but it runs on a bchain? But like i send messages and transactions, so why exactly do i see double?

Like i have conceptual issues with that~

Like i press button and itsends message and pays someone, got it, i can do that

But doesn’t that fractal in how i arranged that?

Oh no it does and I can visually see it, oh no

Sooo.. Press button, get message from input, send+money send

All in a div

And then i can contend with how it fractals in doing the actual layout and breaking my mind then~

Like it should be simple if i dont trip into some infinity~

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Okai so

I looked into a example of a sol bas3d shop

Made one, works fine, validates transactions and purchases

But like its type script

Like you have java, which is shit, so we made javascript, which is still shit, so we made type script, which is okai for now~

Like java stuff has its usecase, math

But thats not what you will see it used for

Its main purpose is to create jobs, which it is good at, but i dont wanna write in it

So like i need to figure out how to do transaction messages, which is not possible

But i have seen a workaround

Like i dont even wanna deploy this, that will be a huge pain, also its not web 3

Like it has blockchain, but its not web 3

Like it still needs a server to serve it

Thats web 2, but with blockchain instead of db

It has the same Single point of failure

And all that type script is also mostly web2 stuff

Like you can write your dating app like that, but not a pce of actual infrastructure

Like what i want is actually just the chain, so like ppl can build their own frontend however they like

But like idk how to do that yet, like solidity contracts are that, but like i cant write anything in eth, that would be stupid

Like ppl out here including half of react to display a button

Like i can do what i am looking for in solidity, but no one will ever use it, bc its eth

Btw me axing all that doesn’t mean anything, like i can do that all day long, and still be doing the same thing

Like it was just pretty decoration

Like i liked the sorting a lot

But like i would probably put most of it, on what i am building here anyways~

But like i need a way to build it

Actually i looked it up, i can write sol contracts,

So that solves my issue

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There are no real limits in what i can do

But like if i try to fix something,

I need to understand what it actually is i am fixing

Like getting hormones usually takes ppl like 3 years, i did it in 1

Like logically speaking my reaction is over the top, but like its also kinda expected to be like that

Bc thats like the reason i have my attention there in the first place ~

Like that should make things easier

Posted on


So heres the plan

Either i send the card via postal

I wait till next next week, and get it with the hormone blockers

Like its a needle in my tummy, that will be fun ~

Like its actually good, like from a qualitative standpoint, the doc is good

I am just a massive brat about this stuff

Bc like if i weren’t, i wouldn’t be there for treatment in the first place

Like kinda obvious, with the leading theory beeing, yeah i am such a brat about it bc i am in pain, disphoria

I am just a bit of a special case bc i have quite some skills which i am not shy to use

Or i go there before, like i was thinking about taking the train, but my dad offered the car,

Like i should go there to give my therapist the card also

Like first plan was, going back the same day with the card and handling things, which i told him, but the car with the card was not there when i came back, so i just went to sleep ~

So like, i will ask my therapist how urgent that is

And either wait 2 weeks

Or do it in the near future manually

Posted on


I get the moral argument

But also

You dont like me giving out info, bc someone might make a decision you didnt sign up on?

That seems infantalizing

Like they are too stupid, and the info will corrupt them, necessarily

So you as the brave hero need to limit their humanity and not allow them even getting all possible choices they have

Bc they will not act like you prefer?

Like giving ppl the info and letting them decide themselves seems more reasonable in my view, than limiting someones decision making before they even got all the info

On THEIR choice

Like you can argue it both ways

But like ppl will not trust ppl with their choices, so ppl will not tell them when they make that choice

Like prohibition is not a concept which ever worked with anything

However, i do not care to argue that, just as a footnote

Like i should fix that before i start building bombs, but within reasonable economic spending and social courtesy

Like thats just not outrageous to me anymore, thats Thursday

Like maybe that instability is just low social order ranking, bc no skills, lets add some

Nah, still unstable, but quite more dangerous now, cool

Like it was quite a mistery before i went

Lol transgender is pattern matching, didnt expect that

Like i just axed everything, thats definitely where i am burning all those resources ~

Like the reactions beeing bigger than necessary is something i noted before

Like seems reasonable i fix that~

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Like i am sitting on my own website here

Bc like i would be banned everywhere else for doing stuff like telling ppl to kill themselves and giving clear instructions

Like i was banned everywhere else:p

Like i am getting censored everywhere else for doing what i do

Posted on


I am just gonna look at memes and draw cute stuff

And like get weed or something

I am slowly integrating smoking again

I cant smoke a whole cigarette yet without feeling sick but i am getting there^~^

Posted on


This stuff is nothing new

I am sure everyone remembers the last time a artist got really mad in Germany

Especially the polish:p

Like i got a massive structure to vent about stuff but

Like its not a new pattern ~

The mysticism, the loaded language, the ability to completely ignore morality

The appeal to globalism

Like they were nationalists, but the goal was globalism

Like seems familiar

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Btw like

That was not only a emotional snap back

, like that whole green energy save the planet stuff

Those were like 12 ppl who started that

Like most ppl dont do that much in their life ~

Like at that ratio of a planet to 12 ppl

Like 1 person not doing anything become a different game

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The thing is

I am inherently good natured

Like thats sounds great, but like you cant build weapons of mass destruction without feeling a tiny bit guilty ~

So like i am not doing that,

Like selling lsd is my grey market vacation job

Like the bigger something is the bigger a shadow it casts

And i am already getting lost in myself

Like i said, i panic if i see everything thats possible, bc stuffs scary~

So like lets survive the days till i get my hormones without smoking

If i get them i am happy

Idk if not, fate will rule

Like they have really lost their novelty ~

Welp, i will just build that loss into the substructure of society and let it break a new generation ^~^

And their kids, and their kids..

Lets hope i get them this time^~^

And can chill on my blanket and be girl without issues

Like i cant get anything which makes me happy, such a shame~

Like at least ppl can fix their social issues alone now while i watch with popcorn ^~^

Like if you are smart, ppl will demand you do stuff, bc you can, but i got a perfect out now to not do shit about shit

Like going by the data, iq is quite a good indicator of wealth, like better than familiar wealth

So at some point, i can probably just chill with the money and watch ppl fix their own stuff, although i easily could

Like you made it hard to get my hormones, fix your oppressive and corrupt Gouverment on your own

Like i take what makes me happy, but i also accept other ppls suffering for my amusement, if thats what they wanna trade

Like i am trying to be a good girl~

But the amount of compassion i put in is still being decided

Like i am not getting less skilled ~

But like what do i care~

Its non of my regard anymore ^~^

Ill make origami swans or something while i watch the world burn silly~

Like the worst thing for society, looking at smart ppl, is when they do nothing

Like there is a small portion of ppl doing a lot, so if they don’t do that much, like your falling apart culture is kinda in trouble

So like if ppl are bad to you, like just stop what you’re doing

And leave them be, they’ll figure it out in 500 more years~

Posted on


Probably was my fault for forgetting the card, like i couldn’t get it bc the car wasn’t there

But like still rude as hell to tear it apart in front of my eyes

Like those pupils were to stable for amphetamines, and his hand too steady for a large dose, also wasnt sweating

Like i noticed that last time but had no reason to mention it

But like thats not normal brain function, especially the emotional perception

I would say not a opioid

Still like, all project are gone forever, someone else do it

Also no pressure on moving, things will fall as they do, what do i care

Posted on

Oki, feel better now

Considering not smoking, but ill smoke now then shower

But i lost all respect for doctors

Like the drugs in your pupils dont excuse behavior

I should really end that profession if i get the opportunity

Like they certainly don’t make as much as they used to, but i can frame it as such

Like becoming a doctor is not as useful as it was

No further comment

Posted on


I feel better

I need to make sure to remember the name of that doctor

Still like u ppl not getting shit, i will avoid doing anything for this society and actively support anyone trying to destroy it

I hope your newborns bleed to death

And your crop rots

I promise

Posted on

How to kill yourself

A comprehensive guide

You should avoid guns,

The issue is that you may shoot yourself and be dead for a hour an then wake up again

Same with medicine

The chances of you beeing reanimated are pretty good so you should avoid that, and make sure what you take is actually deadly

My mum had that issue where she tried with pills but got actually baught back

Make sure no one is expecting or checking on you, bc that may get ppl to find you before you are dead

Hanging is a bad option, the same as drowning, its the most painful way, but if you are looking for painful thats exactly it

In the range of most effective we have trains, they can only stop after multiple km, so they will tear you apart

In terms of medicine, fentanyl is the way to go, best mixed with heroin

Plan things well, leave no signs of something beeing odd or letters

Do it in a way where you cant back out anymore

If you have the skills extract cyanide

Sitting in the car and dying is not possible anymore, they put filters in so you cant do that

A alternative is chlorine gas which is simply made via bleach

If you prefer blowing yourself up i suggest the stuff the nazis used in the ww

Its a 3 component mixture, raises no suspension, is easily made and fits neatly into a pipe bomb

I think the raf used it too

Napalm needs huge quantitys but is also easily made

I will hold back on nuclear weapons for now

Best of luck

Do a normal extract with napta and separate into organic phase and inorganic phase

Transfer the compound into a base and recrystalize

Posted on

You ppl realize

That all the doors you open in life close 1000 you didn’t take

Like possibility is deminishing with every concious second and decision

Most of your goals are simply fairy tales you will never see or reach bc they dont exist

They were exaturated to get you there but are not there in actuality

From kids, your job, or whatever new thing you just baught

You were sold and trained into a game from the beginning

And you will forever be stuck in it

Your faith never your own to begin with

And none of what you were promised you will ever see.

I strongly recommend to kill yourself if you have the opportunity and conviction

You will not miss anything

Your loved ones will care, but its not like you are experiencing it anyways, thats a fools argument

Posted on

I got the card

It was exactly where i suspected it to be

I was driving with my dads other car, bc my sis had this one

When going to the cryo ppl, it got lost between the seat

Like i suspected that since this morning

But like who cares

This morning this would have been exiting

I try to smoke another cigarette now

Lets get some alcohol tomorrow

Posted on

Why do I even

Get excited about anything

The hormones will be as overrated as everything else

I get them as everything else, just another annoying burocratic thing, no one cares about

Like who cares about beeing a girl, i shouldn’t get exited anymore about anything

I will just get them, bc the course is good, and i dont want to be stuck wich these guys here forever

I’ll disassemble the rest of the website

Like i was exited the first time i wanted them, now it’s just another thing

I wont get to save the money bc ppl will ask for money soon, so i just get weed, dont do anything

Wait till i get the hormones, start smoking again after i get them

And pray that i die soon

Ill not do the meme videos, like who cares

Ill slowly take everything offline

And forget i was ever excited about this

Sleep and be high, like i originally planned

Like i am not gonna ask my dad for the car to get there anymore, ill take the train, and tey have to deal with whatever time i show up

Like i have lost interest

Like getting weed would have been useless if i was not smoking tabacco, but like if i am trying to kill myself, thats fine

Also, i can not do all those doc checkups i planned

Like i could have easily stop smoking rn

But i wont, i will deliberately smoke now to keep the habbit and kill myself more efficiently

Posted on

Also, dont worry

If i decide to go to india, i am gonna maybe play with the idea to drop the blueprints on how to build a nuclear weapon and some print files for guns first and then vanish, in a dream^~^

Like enriching uranium is not that hard, in theory ~

But like ill give it a week or so to think over^~^

Lets make some silly meme videos^~^

Posted on

The question is

How emotionally disappointed am i

Like i wanted to go to india, look at the stars and not smuggle some gold

And not get some sasaphras oil

Salesfox is in the minus i am sure he has nothing better to do

But there is no hurry, ill think about it first

Posted on


You ppl ain’t getting shit

I will do nothing but getting high, and looking at memes

I am sure you got your social stuff in order

All projects are canceled

Cya xoxo

I am home again, lets get some cigarettes and order some weed

Posted on

So i was late

They noted my appointment at 8 like on the paper they gave me but like

The actual appointment is at 11:30 so they anticipated me beeing late

Wrote 8, and put 11 in their system :p

Like good work

But like reception girl was confused

The system says 11:30 your paper we wrote says 8 and its 9

After that i will have to get to my therapist visit at 10, its 9,30 rn:p

And i forgot mycard~

Posted on


Its one of these things i cant reffeerence

The best way i can describe it is, i can write things clearly and understandable

Its like its refferencing a infinity which is a o point

Like i am able to, but it doesn’t exist

There is nothing to speak of

Its like it never happened

But i remember it happened, but there is no proof of any sort

Like i wrote it before

Like nahnah, i am quite aware of the little confusing moments of beeing lost on the moment, like those are the actual living

And i am making sure i am actually properly in those

Like i am rewriting, i feel like

Like i am aware to a frightening level


So like i make sure I get a good story, else i panic bc its too much

Posted on


I am nervous

Like i dk

Like i am around in the scary territory but i never got the beeing a scary person part

Like i hurt you while looking silly ~

Like my ex was holding my hand at the dentist ~

Like i am much little ~

Like i am around in those places, but like i put myself on a blanket, bc i understand, like i belong on the blanket

Like as long as someone pets me, i dont care about drugs or money

Like nono, i dont try to be in that territory, i just always somehow end up there~

Bc everything fun is illegal nowadays

Like all you can do is sit and play games

Drinking has everything heavily guarded and fenced off

Everything about cars is illegal

The dating market is heavily off balance

Jobs dont pay in relation bc inflation

Everyone is going where the weed at, bc thats still something to do

Children look shit with the housing market rn

Only good amount of young ppl to do anything is in the city’s

All shops are closing

So like i just end up there, but like

Me small fox, like since always, and like i think never claimed differently

Like i am a brat, but not big

Like there no insentives to do like anything

Besides getting high and or breaking laws

Like i feel like as a girl, beeing vulnerable is a lot easier and socially accepted

So like thats good, still scared and nervous ~

Like besides making and consuming art or media

Like its probably me, bc i really thrive on variety, like environments with diversity are great for me

I will try to sleep~

Like at some point the dentist girls just separated us

Like they realized quite quickly, like i can take some pain without much issue

But like, still want to hold pawb~

Posted on

By my calculations everything

Should be on plan to give me 3 months of rent by my planned date

I bet it will be 1 months of rent

Just bc random ppl come and want money

I bet you 100% i will be stuck here forever

Like i am not moving rn, i am just chilling and working

Watch random ppl ask for hundrets

Like i bet you

Like when i move, i am just not gonna set up a mailbox

I have no one who should be sending me letters

Like no, i dont know u, let all the mail go back to sender

Its the next 3-4 months, i bet you, like multiple ppl

Like at that point i will seriously question why i am even working

Lets see if i still feel the need to destroy things by then ^~^

Maybe i just go get the money insted of complaining

We’ll see^~^ quite curious

Like u know these carpet cleaning things, like the wood hitting things

I should just get one of those and hit everyone coming close to my door with any mail

Like f a dog, get a tiger and a auto aimed paintball gun

Like maybe those dont work so well together ~

Like ill get 1 of those landmine signs

I hope i saved the image

Like i did that video standing in that minefield in my fursuit while traveling

Which channel did i post that on? ~

Posted on


Looking at the actual studies, assuming their integrity

Most ppl going into this trans stuff are quite happy how things go

Like a lot of those doing nothing just die

Like idk they somehow have a high mortality rate

So by the numbers alone i should be on the right path, but like, i believe it when i see it

Like the alternative to the transgender stuff is just a lot of kids randomly dying

Like idk they do that for some reason

Like u put a person in pain, like at some point they just gonna kill themselves

Like its not that surprising ~

Like idk its not really news, seems obvious

Posted on

I need to

First finish my first project

Which is bejond.acid

Bc if that is done, i cam put the other projects on there

Put what i have therexand let ppl build out social security, or whatever they prefer

Even if i get distracted again

Posted on

Let me also add

Blockchain health insurance

Like most of these insurances are putting money back for later

We don’t need a big company asking fees for that

Like Germany has a lot state added, but also you are forced to have it

Like we shouldnt erase all of it

But i think we can do away with a big part

I need to write a core insurance chain

Posted on


I have been there

Idk how, and idk where

But that place exists

I was in the unfeasible

Like i think back and i could not tell you where and when

But i will swear on my life it exists

Like iwas in that place, but it somehow doesn’t exist

Like you could never convince me of business as usual

Bc i was standing in it

Terra incognita

Like i have multiple memories of things related to it

But as soon as i try to describe any, language becomes sand

Its the weirdest thing, a place too odd to even to exist in a dream

But somehow the true source of whats feasible

And tomorrow ill forget it for the next 10 years again, without a trace of its existence

Like its not a idea, it’s a place i was standing in

A free space in the hedge maze of reality

Posted on

How are you ppl alive

Without drugs

Like the next best thing is sex and good food

Sex is meh without drugs

Good food/ingredients are hard to get

Everything is expensive rn

Also like i kill my sex drive soon

The best thing i could do is drawing, reading or writing

Like i hope i never retire, sounds sisyphean

I am quite curious what moody means for me

I am in general already quite a cunt

So cigarette moody and hormones will be the same day, that will be interesting^~^

Posted on

Like there is ppl


But thats usually bc ppl run temporarily out of money

Like its really unhealthy bc it shreds your hormonal system

Like most ppl either vibe or dont vibe

Like i am not sure if transgender, or just my general delusion and foreward inertia

Like thats a common symptom, like that doubt is know

Posted on


Its working, but i need a Bluetooth keyboard

Like the cables are odd

And like put it with a picture frame on the wall

Like i wired it up to the smart home laptop, bc i can run media on that

But like its missing the vibe it should have

Like it works, but is still clumsy ~

Posted on


My oxygen and blood pressure should be normal again

Tomorrow taste and smell should have recovered quite a bit

The day after, there should be no nicotine left in my body, so i might be a bit moody bc of the withdrawal ~

Posted on

Not smoking is such a drag,

I have so much time again ~

Colors are slowly adjusting from greyed out to normal again

Oh, and eating is also in that cluster, bc smokers, smoke after eating ~

So i need to digest normally, without amplifier ~

And like if you also smoking weed, like the weed pattern will reignite the tabacco too

When does smell come back? Like 2 days or something, and taste 5? Idk something like that ~

I think 2-4 days was also where oxygen comes back into your bloodstream

Posted on

Btw like

Nono, did no one read finigans wake

Thinking is quite mercurial

Linear time progressed by comic strips is fiction

You can hold quite contradicting ideals and thinking patterns in the same psyche

Posted on

I emptied out my

Tabacco plate

Like i have trays to roll on, but i was just using a plate, to keep tabacco from getting everywhere

Emptied out the ashtray

Put away the filters, like they are red, they are made to trigger impuls

So like, i need to make sure my teeth a properly brushed, my hand are washed and i shower

Clean everything where any tabacco could be laying arround

Eat the pizza i am making

And make sure everything smells good and is cleaned up

Bc like i am quite sensitive to smell when i dont smoke

Like the final nail on the cross will be moving, bc patterns are bound to environment

Did i mention that getting a apartment is far easier if you dont smoke

Like there are co addiction triggers

Like if you smoke and drink energys

And you dont smoke, but drink a energy, you wanna smoke

Same with driving, like when u smoke while driving, you will wanna smoke when driving

Like its not 1 addiction, its a array cluster of triggers

Like i smoked inside for some time

But currently the 2 main rooms i dont smoke in, and like the entry, i open the door and smoke, just bc its snowing outside and its cold

So like i need to air that out, put some in scents there

Like hose horrible smoking sticks

To bind all bad spirits

Posted on

Like that

Decentralized graveyard thing

That would pull the banks unconscious drive which they are selling on, and quite some other systems

Like you shouldnt target that with that moral range, but it would certainly be a side effect

So like lets first setup the remaining infrastructure ~

Posted on


This seems purposeful, i am slowly emptying out my stashes of tabacco

Like usually you would be happy if you find some

But like i am emptying the cash registers before i quit

So like, i know there is none left, and that search impuls has no use

Like i am using the search impuls to actually empty them out bc i will dig for tabacco if i know i am allowed but dont have

Like its the most effective way to do it, and then if i know there is no tabacco to be found, i just arrange with that existence

Bc like i know there is none left, and i dont need to search, i am not allowed to buy,

Like that search impuls is actually the main spirit

Posted on


That is not taking credit cards for validation

, its Sunday and no store is open

I dont think my stepmum is even home

So i need the actual bank card not the credit card

Like i haven’t seen that in ages

Wait, i was send a new card by some account, like i should have at least 2 valid cards in theory

Like i feel like i am doing this on purpose, like letting myself run out of cigarettes

Like to get a taste or something

Posted on

Like to answer the public question

My gender is not really confusing me, as is the metaphysical paradoxicallity of existence, which is, i am, confused about.

so actually yes i am confused about my gender, but not in a way where i would let thy feathered key for good behavior sticking in thy rusted cultural ignition, till I get what i came for

Which is thy journey itself


Posted on

I need to remember

I actually have a product i have to set

Like the pricing dynamics based one

Like i will just serialize and increase by 10000 a year

Like that will not sell, but i still want it for me as a price meter

Yeah, thats actually exactly what it is

I am relaying my pricing into a product

Wait am i trying to sell a concept?

Thank god we live in the age we do

But like its my personal refferencing point

So like i should put that in

And also at the same time sell it to others, somehow

How is that Egyptian pointed stick thingy, like long massiv stone pillar with a pointed tip and sharp edges

Like they had that outside

Like was that a obelisk, or was it the representation or something

Like ill call it that

Like i have seen my card yesterday, i cant seem to find it~

Posted on


China has destroyed the western class system by cheap fabric

Holy, those nation level punsDd

Like where is that dipole actually moving rn

Like the communism capitalism dualism, but on its side, as a dipole

Adjusted by time, visualized as contrarian vortexes

Like i need to get myself a map or something ~

And some cigarettes ~

Posted on

I learned

Something really important today

The contact field is actually the most important one on a website, especially mine, which leads nowhere like the accounts are registered with the hoster, but they dont lead to any mail reader

Like i am getting to a point where i should probably actually have a way for ppl to contact me

Like i have no socials ppl could reach me by~

Like is discord still furry territory? Or ar they slowly dying yet

Like i would like something like mastadon, but i have to set up a server, actually like lemme use fedi for com

Like what i am saying

Connection is the focus in a node network

So the connection field is actually quite important

*steps over cables*

Bc it allows ppl to talk to you

But obviously quality is also important

Like if you can get it decentralized and open source, thats great

I will be using fedi, mainly for that, and it beeing businesses and coders just chilling, not much public attention

Like i need to be save, but i will still put my business under a linguistic paradox, just in case

The same way, i dont need to go that backhand with com, but i will still do just in case~

Like it has the chill vibe i prefer, like Twitter is hyper, i dont want ppl contacting me there for anything regarding money

Actually, lets invest a token of faith

Heres my Twitter

Like maybe he can actually make it something cool

Like tokenize the ui on the screen

Like twitter is quick short news like notifications, but no one reads those anymore bc they so crouded

So like a ui seamlessly integrating over other apps, so like i have twitter on active standby while i do something on fedi

Like call it twitter feathers and ppl will get it

Like there are certainly cool possibilities

Like i see permission issues with android, but i am sure there is some way

However, ill be setting up fedi again

Posted on

Like with the graveyard

Nono, the church put that in and marketet that

We can do the same again for blockchain, and actually distribute it as a public service


Actually lemme sleep a bit and then ask my stepmum if she has a card, or like i actually find mine

We should be perfectly able to reframe death, as the church did for this new industrial revolution

I have come to terms with not getting cigarettes

Like i will smoke the rest of my tabacco, and then, like i guess just draw a bit

And like isnt it funny to see that contrast in context

Posted on

This is not a good method of storing anything

Like i am looking for my card, bc you need to verify you are 18, was like that since i was under 18, but i still am not a cigarette smoker

Like i got 3 cards, lets see if 1 of those validates

Like those are all long dead accounts and idk how credit cards count for that cigarette thing, if they work to validate your 18

Btw girls i hate your social rules bc they make perfect sense

They are completely reasonable and i understand their purpose

Like if i didnt know i was transgender, that would be a revelation or confusion

But i now understand why that appeal to authority, i have been using on ppl is so effective

Like holy what tools have i been wielding on ppl~

Like nah i didnt care about the structure, made no sense

But like as a girl, i hate to admit it, but like i get it

I will still ignore it

Posted on


I set my table up with a 5eur note

Like unconscious

Like i knew i would run out of tabacco or something bc these all have different routines of spending

Like the papes, the tips etc those are all subroutines

And they are asynchronous, like by design probably, like no question actually really

So like i knew i would probably just buy cigarettes anyways and like to break my spending patterns

And i put myself 5 on the table thinking in my naive childish wholesome thinking

Holy cigarettes

5 would be enaugh for cigarettes

Like i have the association to the note and it makes me feel really old

Like a have been smoking tabacco, always, bc i was always high, like cigarettes mix so oddly with weed, too much sugar

I was just gonna comment on how cute i was thinking 5 would be sufficient

Like i was thinking of myself, and beeing nice to myself

Oh yeah i remember thats how you actually get shit sorted in your life

Like its just beeing nice to yourself

Like treat yourself as a person you really care for

But like in practice, i am not talking vague ideology, like practically beeing nice to yourself

Like you will see things come arround again to yourself later

Like literally like with the 5 i put for cigarettes, like be literally nice to yourself in action

Like u know yourself, so no games

Now thats a provoking edge

Like u know yourself, so no games

Posted on

I removed the title, but!!!!!

Like i was thinking what if i actually embrace family history

I might have found a good use for nfts

A public blockchain graveyard

Like it makes perfect sense

Bc transactions are validated by the whole network

So if someone died, and lets say you wanna add a block to memorialize them

thats actually a great metaphor of it beeing accepted by the whole

As you display the node validations increasing

Like it costs us nothing to keep it up, however that works, like someone please explain that to me please i dont understand

Like no one thaught about it bc no one is making money from it

But like i think that could actually have some real value to ppl if done right

Like it still needs a good name which doesnt have the grim imagistic language associated with it

Like someone dying is 1 thing, but thats a vibe

Like lets actually help ppl with what we understand now

Like whatever that is, i havent researched that

Like u see why its so important that i speak whatever is on my mind

Bc in those topics, such information is quite critical to make apartment where i may be lacking

Bc the value of what i have may be far greater than what i can make,

but its crucial to have it proposed in this form exactly for that reason

Like that works with the usual blockchain marketing and it works global

Its a great idea

We just need to make it

Posted on

U know

I could probably make some really interesting logical reasonings on a grand scale

But i had 1 moment

Where i was making music and i felt genuine emotion

Like thats something i am capable of, i was moved

Like if the hormones do exactly that

Like yes that actually sounds like what i am looking for

And i have seen ppl go with that psychedelic undertone, yes its that

Like you are using subconscious signaling, you beeing able to do that, means that you are probably smart enaugh to understand what your doing

And you have tested it

Like psychedelic signaling is really hard to misinterpret, but also, whait you assumed my question before i posed it

Psychedelic means, you are the environment

You are not moving in a environment, you are the environment

Like this weirdly goes over how reality works

Like i hope it is, bc i could make some great art

Posted on


Like i will miss smoking so much

Like girls see me rolling joints and they know

Like guys are often not that perceptive on small things, but like girls will see that,

like i had someone comment on it out loud, but keeping it in the linguistics deepspace obviously

Like for girls thats the you know but you dont say thing

Like refferencing to the general understanding

Posted on

Oh right

I was actually doing interesting things

Before i got lost in this small town mindset again

Like i need to move

Sell some lsd

Like yeah, i have actually been setting myself on a good path, i am happy

Like i want to be stable and selling lsd

Posted on

I am happy

This looks good

Btw someone better save my stuff, bc i am deleting old images to have enaugh space to post new ones

Like that will be really cool with the smart home stuff

Like the kitchen is chaos rn, like its clean, but chaos

Like i cant have anything icky arround with the wound

Like i have a bad habit of forgetting the sink, bc its in the corner of the room

Like good design decisions will make and break a room

But like things are standard clean

Like there was something about iq and disgusting sensitivity beeing related

What i am saying is

I made 1 room really pretty and now the other looks bad~

Like its fine by my standards

Did i mention, now that i think about it, i have been wondering about my reflexes previously

Like i have wondered about that without a frame of sorts

Years ago

And connecting that to that study now, of iq beeing related down to reflexes

Like i wondered about it years ago, randomly, and like i had the explanation, but didnt realize

Like i have gotten so big over the years, as a linguistic reference point

Its self refferencing my internal space, thats why its confusing

I would mark it but i have no picture space, like i need to delete some products

Posted on

Like if i scoth

At something ppl get really hurt

Like i was probably not even thinking about it and just had a spontaneous reaction

Like if i declare something bad, i might be speaking with thousands of years of weight and the understanding of multiple traditions

And everyone in the room probably knows it

So like i need to be good to ppl, or i might really do some damage

Like there are ppl who are known or respected

But often times them beeing known is quite closely associated with them making money

Like if i were to sell courses on how to do stuff

Actually, i should write that book

Like its some sort of public persona for the purpose of selling something

Like idk i am just bad at selling or something ~

I just decided to do a public diary, and attach whatever i am currently doing to that

Bc at the end i could never pretend to be something else

And i think anything else but the full mess life is would be not doing it justice

So me beeing that person and declaring something bad, has more weight than i can probably comprehend

So like i hope the hormones set that right

Like i am kinda running out of options

Bc i am turning arround with the scales carrying this culture, like artist do

Like thats what this shamanic tradition furry stuff really means

We are the people other people actually follow around just bc we are the full extent of what we are

Like we made it a token gesture of getting famous and getting followers, but what we actually mean to figure out is the ppl with the natural gravity

Like i am hiding in the category of artist, and its already the widest definition i could find

Like as a kid i was crying a lot and there was a phrase i used repeatedly

Why me

Like i understood the full extent of what my existence means from the beginning

But i guess the pain differentiates from beeing dead

Like i still hope i am mistaken, like i cant seem to flee my fate

Like i tried and i am

Like i have read the least known books, and still, all i seem to find is more certainty in what i dont want to believe

That everyone is infinitely complex

And that somehow among those idk i am somet.. Ing

Like for some reason that personality trade is quite noticeable and ppl follow it arround

Like it will manifest in everything your doing

Peterson described it as

Creative ppl are like fruit trees bearing fruit,

they cant help it

Like for some reason we are the ppl who carry such scales of brilliance with such low hanging heads

Like ppl will follow you, and you better make sure that you have good things for them

Bc you seem to have answers

Like draw a pretty picture giving hope

Like doesnt have to be good

Just make it honest

Posted on


At this point, i carry some weight, bc ppl know the website exists,

And like even without that

Like ppl respect me to a certain degree

Like if i hit them with something like ppl are so devistated

Like i am so happy i am fixing the trans stuff, bc if i keep beeing like this, like all i am gonna see is ppl beeing down

Like my actions are amplifyed by my public aura

Like i hope this works, bc i am hitting with quite some weight already

Like its not made better by my ability to actually formulate whats not spoken

Like my skills will only increase, me beeing publicly know also

Like i am actually sacred about it, bc like this better work

Like i am treating it like a checklist item

But like i am terrified

Like i have a bad history with not trusting what i want~

So like if this works, like there is hope

Else like, stack drugs till i die

Like if i can do everything, but only end up hurting ppl, like whats the point

Of beeing able to do everything

Posted on

Btw theres this idea of

Shouldn’t you treat everyone equally?

Like thats what was impregnated into us in the western democracies

Its called egalitarianism if i am not mistaken

Like yes everyone should be treated decently and civilized on a base level

But like obviously ppl are different

Like there would be no use in any conversation if everyone was the same

Like if you a experienced tennis player, like you can play with beginners, but obviously that person will not be equal in terms of skill

Like hierarchys of value exist

Like its very clear in decision making

Like if you are building a app for instance

Like you can go, oh i am like everyone i dont have to care ppl will be happy whatever happens, who knows

But like maybe you should make a executive decision and put things in a way where ppl dont have to use kyc

Bc you are not the standard user, you are making the thing

And with technology, you may be influencing quite a large amount of ppl with that decision

So like, not claiming that, when you should is actually more dangerous in my view

Like i am avoiding these responsibilities, but also i have to make decisions

Like if you go, i am just doing stuff, no one will use i anyways, and someone does,

Then you in trouble

Bc you underestimated the tool you made

And with blockchain, like you cant reverse your decisions or take it offline, if it exists, it exists

So like yes, ppl are the same, but lifes are vastly different

And like thats not a obvious border globally

Bc we living in a globalized world now, if you like it or not

Like what separates is language, but that will adjust

Posted on

Likey issue

With it is that like

It shouldn’t overshoot like that

Like the reaction itself was good

But i shouldn’t have to be such a brat about it

Like something is not calibrated right there

And i think thats actually where i am burning all those recourses

Bc the reaction is unprofessional to what is actually happening

Like putting my paw on their head and pushing them down a bit should be enaugh, i dont need to have my claws all up in them

Like all those ppl teaching business by lifestyle on social media

Like they are not wrong, your business will inevitably be a mercurial mirror of you, if you are unstable your business is probably too

Bc like your business is probably you with small businesses

So thats a good idea to fix that

But like i am certainly not lacking in personality,

Like i need to fix that transgender stuff, or i will be constantly tripping over myself

Like you can do a lot of things quite inefficiently, but my projects tend to be quite ambitious in general

Bc what u doing needs to justify the pain of living

So like i need to fix that, then i can do stuff

Posted on


I pulled half of it out into xmr, now i wait for it to fall again, and then i put it in again, and hope for it to go up

So like pulling my profits out and a bit extra

If btc goes down, made my profit, if goes up, also good

If i throw in and get lucky again i can give my dad some gas money

Like it would be fine but gas is expensive, and he has been lending me the car for going to the trans docs, bc they far away and like you would have to like take a bus, and probably change trains and stuff~

Like its not like i worked for that money~

If i get randomly lucky i would like to repay kindness, like even if i dont have to

Posted on

On another note

Guy was looking at my numbers

Like i told what i am doing with the smart home stuff

Like nah, i am probably not bragging i am waiting for ppl to suggest something cool i can do

Like my financial status is quite public, bragging will just fall back onto my head right away

Like i feel like its ppl looking at your numbers instead of what you are actually doing

Like i have seen someone who told how much they are in debt, lie business related but quite a bit, like that number may be important bc the person has that emotional weight on them

But like it tells me nothing about the person

Posted on

I really need to set

A watchdog on speed

Like thats what i mean

I will hit ppl with stuff and then act like nothing happened with my 15 sec goldfish memory

Like i have already moved on

Like thats clearly a behavior pattern from my mum, like that smells so bipolar

Like i am so curious if the hormones work as i think they do, and they reslove that

Like thats a childhood pattern they are quite clingy, and if you Remove them manually, you are breaking all patterns building on it

So i cant remove that myself, i am quite curious if that does the trick

Like making yourself bigger is 1 thing, but i am more interested in priming my target, so i can hit them with a good contience if they overstep what was warned

Like i would like to feel good while i do it~

Like the neurotic element with speed is really annoying, bc you always think your right

Like its great, but not what i am aiming for~

Hitting ppl with stuff is great fun, but like i decided on something else

Posted on

Like i really like the anonymity

Bigger city’s bring

Like thank you i dont have to care about my neighbor

Like social stuff is cool

But like also i dont care

Like i will not care more bc i have to pretend bc of some social reason,

I go somewhere, where it doesn’t matter

If i dont like u i move on and dont have to worry about running into you tomorrow somewhere else

Like ppl get hard on, oh ppl meet again so things have to be dealt with

And social community

Like no, dont care

Like i will pretend a bit till i am gone

Like i care bout family, but like i go choose my own community

Like nah thats not getting better, i am just not interested, like i see how social stuff works, and will not make things too hard for myself

But like i know where I dont have to, so i obviously go there

Like maybe i am a great person there

But i am not forced to by social rule of small social node number and therefore higher transaction costs

Like i think ppl are happy with me gone, and same for me

But like i ignore that till i can move with the buffer i need

Like its not a moral or liking thing

Some things just fit certain environments

Like every time i am in a bigger city, its like

Yeah, that works

I dont even need to tell ppl to get lost, bc ppl already know their place

Enaugh ppl have already hit them on their paws for doing that

Like thats probably not for everyone, but like i like that

Like sometimes i care, but probably by default i don’t

Like i am polite, but like maybe the hormones do something bout that, but i dont think they make me more stupid

Like beeing nice is something stupid ppl do to hedge their bets and redistribute recourses, like i have a study for that somewhere ~

So like i can survive quite well not doing that

But its more pleasant for me to live in, and till i am not working anywhere anymore, i dont

So like ultimately i will not be bound by that in the same way

Like,, don’t feed me speed, i formulate like a bich and make only half sense bc the appeal to emotion is missing, that stuff makes me so neurotic

Like i am not wrong, but also its not right

Like all my historical references are missing too~

Like i would have just roundhouse kicked a person out of my social circle for feeding me speed a year ago, but i am polite bc i am in the middle of no where and there are like 5 ppl arround

Like i am aware of my surroundings

So like i move when i am ready, but like not staying bc i am a rude brat and i will light ppl on fire if they bring me patterns i dont like or care for

But i keep my paws down and am nice, and see what happens, who knows, i dont

Maybe i move and someone really fits another person for business, so keep contact

Like obviously i take the drug if offered, like person is beeing nice, but also feeding ppl with speed bc of clear social intent

Like i see such stuff, but like, 5 ppl, no where, bored, what else u gonna do, lets see what happens

Like its not like i have better things to do than putting my paws in mousetraps for fun

Like i am not really a mouse

Like i was asked if they can come by randomly

I told them i will eat you if you dont text me first

Like social borders ppl please

Like if someone, like not fam or like neighbors, but like ppl i know come by without informing me first, like i will hit you with a shovel for overstepping a social boundary

Like no you dont just walk into a person’s social boundary who was involved in something illegal

You will be crucified if you try to invite yourself and hanged if you do

You wait till your invited or are ready to fight for it, if you’re not just ignored

God that speed really has this, old guy screaming at cloud vibe~

Like i will hold the entirety of your shady unconscious patterns against you if you get that close with pattern setting tools

From the insecuritys to the fears you didnt knew you had bc you suppressed them

Bc either thats shady or your handling tools you dont understand on other ppl

In which both cases i need to draw border lines

Like it may be a new idea to you, but using speed to make ppl do stuff is not a new concept

Like there may be good reasons

I will still hit you with divine weapons if you get too close to me with that

Btw u forgot your cigarette filters, u want those?

Posted on

I am finally home

Btw that guy has the website

Like hi, yes i will write about stuff without caring :p

Like its my diary, i write whatever i think

Finally i can sleep

Like enaugh social for now

Like i just fell asleep there

Like i will sleep wherever if i am tired

Like thats the 1 skill I got from school, the ability to sleep everywhere

Like my social, i need to entertain and balance that insecurity is quite low

Like u be high and just chilling with ppl without saying something, really helps that

Bc like u know it doesn’t matter like that you have seen it done before

Like i am quite happy the car is gone

Like person was talking about like how they dont take anything bc of how its visible on drug tests

Like thats just not a worry i have anymore

I dont have a car or am driving ~

I like that

Also someone asked about dropping by and if I could get them

Like i dont have a car, i cant, and i am quite happy sitting there not moving

Like its not about the actual decision, but not even having to think about it

And after ppl know, they will also not ask

Like u are guys, freedom, driving, self sufficiency

I am girl, like girls can do that too, but its also a lot easier to just sit on beeing driven arround

Like its just socially more acceptable

Like i wanna move somewhere i can walk places, i work from home

Like having a car is not that big of a thing where i maneuvered myself

Like where u even gonna park a car in a bigger city

Like my timing with things is a bit scattered and offset, but like i know were i wana go

So i go there

Like staying here would be absurd, bc i have already adjusted things, removed the car, etc

Like theres no question, just time

Posted on

Btw this

Guy was making multiple

I am looking for this kinda girl

Who i can do x with

Comparing it to the current situation without speaking it

Like no, u have a bigger project already running to get my interest

Like girls usually date, the same level or above

So like in comparison to what i am doing

Like i think i like guys, the thing is my standards are measured by me as a reference point

Also like i talked to your ex when you were together and i know why she broke up

And i am probably more picky/bratty~

Posted on


I ended up in a room with someone showing me what girls to hire they wrote on WhatsApp,

Which existence I forgot about

Is it bad that all i am thinking about is how

Bad their product images are

And how they could increase sales and brand value

Like i dont wanna make those girls mad at me, but off all places, I didn’t expect good images on wa tbh

Like what works works i guess

Like i think that it’s WhatsApp which is irritating me more than the sex they selling

Like i should, bc theyare probably closer for sex, but also its WhatsApp, lemme buy sex somewhere else and like go there

Like i should buy some before the hormones, but also i lazy~

Posted on

u know

I told someone to make a folder called business

And make files called ideas and goals

And like its abstract to see them use it

Like i am just doing stuff and do things automatically

Like if i would make those lists, i would have a better idea 10 min later

But like its interesting to see how such a small impuls really sticks with ppl

Like it really is interesting that like, the patterns i make really grow with ppl how not constantly change theirs like i do

Posted on


Asked me if i wanna come by

But like i would have to chill till the morning

I need to move somewhere where i can walk places~

Like that totally eats my sleeping rythm ~

But like i should be social

I will probably go, its tge last weekend where i can smoke cigarettes ~

Posted on

So i am looking

Into a tv mount

And like they want 60 for like 1 with a arm

So like i googled if anyone had a good method to make one

But all i found was ppl explaining how to mount a tv on a wall, like i can do that, it has screw holes, you screw it in, and it hangs:p

So like either i buy one eventually

Or i make one

Like i still have hinges from when i was barricading my door

But i dont know if they are too heavy

If i say hinges, i mean these things you use to hold the beams if you are building a house, with these massive screws you use in building a house for concrete

With a steel beam between them

Like if the police happens to knock on my door, like it has the same integrity as the house itself,

If they try to ram it, the wall will probably give in before my barricade does

So like i can look in peace if there is anything bad laying arround, make some coffee, and talk to them about sending 1 of their guys to get cake

Like that sounded like stress, and i was always quite high, so like just taking the urgency out

Like they are always nice to me, i can at least offer coffee

Like i dont drink coffee, but like i had some to offer back then

Like they have their foot in the door before you can look, then they get a locksmith, then they ram, so like theres time

Like theres no worry if i dont hear a helicopter ~

But like i am not doing anything that illegal, so i dont need it anymore

Like i think ppl know by now i like acid~

Like it may be good for a tv mount, or its just too heavy ~

Posted on

I should

Really write a book at some point, just to try it

Like doesn’t have to be long

Like i know how

Also i have the tools

Like there is a cli programm, which name i dont remember rn

But like Stephen king, or one of those ppl is using that too

Like its great, its not a text editor, its a text formater

Gimme a sec

Its word grider

Like the ui is quite interesting

Like there are also programs which let you order things by chapters and do like bigger picture stuff, add a character background in a tab etc

Idk if those are running on dos tho, like wg was probably written before i was born

Posted on


The morning routine collapsed again

Just bc its so hard to wash your face with 1 hand

Btw, in my econ, i also had padding margins everywhere

Like if i have a food bugedet of lets say 100 a week, then that will be overloaded by 10-15%

Meaning there are always 115 in that budget when full

So like even if you are out of budget, you still have some wiggle room

Like i should be stable af, me not beeing is really odd lets see if the hormones fix that

Like its not a top layer issue, the top layer is better than most

Btw the not smoking weed, its not like i cant

Like i walk 2 steps outside my door and see something which gets me high

Like i did that,

Like i had a job beeing trained as a manager in some warehouse, and like on the smoke breaks, i went outside the back, and there were sedatives growing

So in my breaks, i went out smoked, munched some sedatives and went back

Like its really hard to keep me clean if i dont want it:p

Like thats not a drug thats on any drug test anyways~

Like i am sure i could make some money there doing a extractiom with some napta or something

Like just separating out the organic phase and recristalizing the compound

But like theoretically i could but its not fitting the ohase of chilling and stacking money~

Posted on

My new economics

So after that big bill for the cryo is payed

My only running expense should be food

Smoking is gone, car is gone

Like im the crypto system i was giving myself 100 a week to spend

50 of that was fuel alone

So like i bout doubled my spending power/ freed my budget there

The budget for the fiat account is smaller, bc i have quit all those contracts

So all in all, the money i make should actually stay in my pocket

If i have everything setup, i have a full smart home, with the ability to make musik or art, or code

So after that last big fee, i should have no bigger events or payments coming up untill i move

I should at some point get my insurance money to padd me from major events, and a reverse etf, and crypto, to insure me of a full economic collapse,

So i need to put in a cashflow business and things should be looking quite stable

I should have financial wiggle room, a supportive environment, plans for economic instability, whatever the market does, and the resources to create

From there i can slowly build up

And move into my new life

Like if i survive this month, things dont look that bad

Like kinda boring tbh, but also quite stable

Like i think i can manage till i move, like at least i hope

Like at some point i need to put in my budget plan again, like i had a budget for everything by category, like i had planned a budget for socks in cycles~

Like i may get a bit bored

Like i feel like i am missing that middle layer, like just random 10k somewhere just in case

But i think that will come in time with the cashflow, like i should retain that value quite well

Like at half a year of living costs covered, i feel fine and like am not really worrying about anything

Like currently i am navigating to 3 months, so if i manage that, i actually got a good starting point,

Which just gets fed by my budget plan

Which distributes it into living costs, and recources, investment stuff, allocated budgets, meaning

2 x 100 budget, 3x 25 budget etc, just giving me random pots of money to spend on projects or things i want, which get filled up again automatically

Like i said, i had all those patterns set up before ~

Like its the hell of not smoking weed and working, where you do all this useless boring stuff, which trades actually living for security

So like lets hope that works, so i can do that till i am good and helplessly bored, and then move to something else

I need to meditate and trip out on that or something to kill time or something

Like u know how in the witcher the guy is not actually sleeping, but just meditating to kill time and fast forward the game? Yeah

Like i should also start some sort of mystery sex cult or something to kill time

Like usually u only see ppl presenting their new ideology and are not reading their diary, seeing they are fully aware of what they are doing and get how stupid the reasons actually are

Like i like that kind of meta humor, it amuses me, but like idk observation

But like i am still weary of something eating me quite a bit ~

Posted on

Btw why i like peterson

Bc there are clearly some thinking patterns of mc kenna in how he reasons

Like i dont think there is any chance he would admit that, bc hes a academic, and mc kenna is weird at least

Like it may be that both are into jung and read his stuff

But like if he goes into more abstract and unconscious topics

Like there is clearly some mc kenna in there

Like the guy is smart, as is, but its like

Oh, i recognize that pattern

Btw where mc kenna got some of his reasoning and attitude, is actually a American priest who wrote some books like 300 years ago

Like he never said that

But like i had to check, so i went and found it

And like the patterns look quite similar to me

Like i cant remember the priests name, like somewhere in America – 100 from now to bout – 600 years or something

Like thats not liberalism, like probably too, but like

That originated from the church

Posted on

Next month

I may he able to switch back to my crypto system

Like it got more efficient bc i have less buffer which i need to keep in the fiat account, bc i canceled all those contracts which automatically take money, including the car

Like i feel a lot better with my money not beeing in fiat for some reason

Yt deleted my baby boss sample, but like

What is this? Free market capitalism or some socialist babana republic!

Like xmr and btc have atomic swaps, meaning, you can exchange btc to xmr, without any exchange which could want kyc from you

Like i would like app to be able to attach to that framework

So you can make money via the app for working on projects, and then trade it without supervision of any sorts to your almost untraceable xmr account

Like i am going with the thing beeing blockchain based, bc you cant take it down or censor it

So if a Gouverment asks me to comply to some sort of regulation

I can go

Thats technically impossible for me

I made it, but i dont have the access to change something like that

Like thats the beauty of blockchain and why Gouverments are so icky about it

They can preasure twitter, but they can’t preasure code

Like i would maybe go for a 2 ways system just to have things up

1 layer for post storage, and 1 for payment

But like theoretically, it should be possible to do in 1 package

Posted on

So i looked at solana

And there is so much js in that

Like i am repelling in agony

I may need to talk to the xmr ppl what they think is the best course of action with this

I have seen something called xmr neo, but haven’t looked into it

I will have a look there and then i may write them

Posted on


I found the charger to the other laptop

Soooo.. Whats my encryption pw again:P

Like every device has a different enc pw and a different normal pw~

Like that looks like pop os

The image on the hard drive should be the one i had on the main laptop

But i tried that one~

I could just reflash it, like i wanna use it as the server for the smart home stuff

Posted on

Actually, i think i never came out

As gay

Parents i am gay:Dd

I know its hard to believe, like i am super straight in my fluffy socks:p

Like i just never answered that question in the room i think:p like i think i was quite obvious

Or like bi, or pan, or like can i just throw a dice?

Like i get hormones soon, then i may actually be straight

But i think not

Posted on

Like actually

I made great progress today

I unregistered the car, i got the board to work, did some other stuff n fluff

Like there is a routine missing too

Like i am showing every 2-3days rn, instead of every day

Bc i dont want the wound to get moist too much, and that relays to shaving, so disphoria poisoning

So like that will probably also get better with the top layer of the wound beeing closed

Like id rather have it heal properly, like i dont really like it, bc i like water

But like seems reasonable

Like at the end of the week things should look quite different again with all those limiters removed and routines beeing untangled again

Like i am kinda happy i finally am loosing the car

Like its convenient, but also they so expensive, and always want your attention

You have bound valuable, running costs, insurance, taxes

Like id rather take the train or bus every 3 months or something, when I really need to be somewhere further away

Like its just 1 thing off my mind

Like withit dragging a whole cluster of smaller things, so those also gone

Like i am quite happy about that

Soon the transgender process is also closed, what i mean is,

I dont need to get hormones or anything, like those take forever to take full effect

So like thats starte and going on, no docs to find to get something

Like the process is still active, but like eating a lot less recourses

So ican focus on other things

Like things are starting to look a lot better

Then i can also finally focus on business stuffand art

Like life gets so cluttered so quickly in these times

Like i noticed that with like physical stuff

Like after some time you have everything you need and just giving stuff to ppl, bc like ppl give stuff to you randomly, or just say you dont need it

Like capitalism has really produced a overflow of stuff which clusters and clutters,

Like i am not complaining, i love stuff

But like it gets quite cluttered rather quickly, with stuff

And everything you own also owns you

So if everything is cluttered, you attention is also divided and split into spectral short waves of trying to divide total amount of attention by amout of stuff

Instead using a longer wave length with more intensity on what you actually value

Or something like that~

Like idk i am dead but also feel accomplished

Things are on plan till now

Btw in that dream, i fell in love on a end ofthe world party, like actually, end of the world

And there was just a room with vegetarians and vegans at a table with a bunch of meat

And they were discussing if they should do it or not

Like what a scene:p

But like great to see my anima again

Like anima/animus, is the collection of all your romantic and sexual interests personified

A entity showing itself in dreams, trips and visions

The mediator between the concious and unconscious

Like if i just get weed and sleep all day

Like i am still having like the best and most interesting time ever

Btw that dating app, like yeah i know, but quick endorphins,

Like i matched with a girl but she is not writing me, and i am not writing her, we visited each others profiles multiple times, the app reminds you of matches

But we are both sitting and waiting :p

Like i kinda lost the urgency after that cryo appointment, so like idk, i see how that plays out

Like i am quite happy using this app, at this paste of no hurry

Like in the beginning i made like i girl profile, but i have been making good progress at automatically repelling all those guys

Like paradox art seems to work like a charm

Like if ihad to guess

Guysare scared of pretty and smart girls

So putting those paradox images there, is a automatic

Oh noh, thats complicated

And the association is made automatically

Like i can still change my flags if i want to, but i am quite happy with my calm environment

Posted on

I had a rave

About something, but work was tiring

Like i had a great analogy this time

Like thats why i had tomorrow as my non work day, like the rest of this week will be so unproductive

Like i have some burocracy to do tomorrow,

The car is unregistered, i had stuff to say but bleh~

How are ppl even alive without being in a catatonic state of nothingness

Like give me half a year of working full time and i am building nuclear weapons

Like i have gone over this their radius is actually quite small, bc they bombed a whole country which is actually a island

So small body makes small dick look bigger by relation

So if you were actually trying to..

However, i go watch anime~

At the end of the week i am hopefully able to do stuff again

Posted on

There is a small


This is a normal led strip

But i need a digitally addressable led strip~

But like thats good, the board is all setup, i get some leds and everything should be running

Like u know how led strips go

Red or green or blue, etc for the entire strip

I need a strip where i can control each led individually, else like how you gonna make those patterns and cool animations

For instance, i can take a strip and connect it to a script

So like idk i wanna make 100 each month

So i can use it as a loading bar, where leds change color as i make money

Or like show if the server is doing what its supposed to

Like i can include sub patterns in my sub pattern of the main pattern

With main beeing the main light for daytime rythm

Sub pattern beeing led colors for phases of the day

And single leds beeing the sub sub pattern, encoding information about the sub pattern i am currently in

Like how drugs work

Posted on

Okai so

First i ran a update upgrade

Then i realized directly after i plug it in, it shows up, but not 2 sec later

So i applyed slight pressure into the cable usb port, and it worked

The web installer was not working, probably bc i was using chromium instead of chrome

Like i guess if you are using Linux, you are just expected do things via the console anyways ~

So i flashed the bootloader, then the actual software

Had trouble connecting to the wifi of the board

Realized i had to push the cable in for some reason

Realized i need eth connection to connect to the wifi at the same time

Did that, set things up

And now the cable is only used for power anyways

Like i need to connect the light themselves

But basically its working ^~^

Like its easyer on windows

But like linux is, yeah it will take longer, but you now also know how to allocate the memory of the board manually if you doing some other projects

Posted on

I will just try to sleep

What did i do this time~

I guess I’ll find out..

I definitely triggered something somewhere ~

I wanna cry but i dont even understand why

I think those dreams stared when i put the fee in

I think that preasure is frying my brain

I will need to remove it an see if i feel better

Posted on

I need

To not focus on normal social goals, i will just optimize stuff and get bored

I should focus on making art

I will put a midi keyboard on the list

Like you dont need one

But i am a stream of consciousness type person,

Like hard to guess by my endless blog posts:p

Like i can just continue writing in midi keyboard

I dont have the patience for slowly laying out a track ~

Like i would do some programming, but i feel like something is still lurking

I wait for now till it shows itself

Posted on


Those gloves are so cute

Like they basic gloves, but i think they really fit the outfit i am going for

Like i am going for green blue silky fabrics and flannel

Like if the quality is as they look, then i am quite happy

Like if inflation is things getting more expensive

Then my item spending is actually in deflation territory

Like rent and food is inflating, but thats hard to get arround

Like i am trying with food,

Like i think buying the edible mushroom grow set would really make a difference

Like once i have the gloves~ *wiggles tail and butt*

Noodle maker is a option, but noodles not that expensive, but quality up

Like cheese and meat is the most expensive

Like idk if i see something interesting, i will adapt it

Like rent is not something you can do much about

So like i up living quality, or down food

So like i up quality till everything is high quality stuff

Like i am optimizing cost functions, i am sure that will end up somewhere ~

Like idk i just do stuff till i dont need to care, have everything i could want and eat cheesecake, then i see where i go from there and how much money i sit on

Like i always have stuff to do, if i want to be social, i just throw tee partys with cake and weed

Like if i am not running out of money, things are actually quite straightforward

Like as soon as i feel safe, something will come at me again, like i am dying in my dreams, i am quite sure something is lurking

Like i am a bit saver, but i dont trust it

Posted on

Btw my dude

Like the person doing massive lines of speed, you know who you are

U smart, u aware you could do whatever you put your mind to?

Like they were looking for a public position in another county

Like young guys do that bc they would never admit that, but they looking for structure

Young guys are intuitively looking for structure if they smart and know they have all that freedom but no idea of what to do with it

Like it may be a good path

But like just a side note

You could if you tried

Like i am not saying its easy, but like you got everything you need

Like i dont wanna get involved in someones life planning, maybe thats the right thing for that person

Just a footnote

Like at some point of testing you understand, like okai, i can do stuff no matter the limits

But that gives you a problem,

Bc what tf are gonna do with it 😀

Like the word psychedelic, it applies to drugs, but it can also apply to ideas, art, doing stuff, like there are different ways to do the same thing

Posted on

Okai so

There was a sale

Like i couldn’t resist, i could get items for 65 for 18, like i am pushing my budget, but i think worth it

Here is what i got, i spend in total

The 11 are for 8 pairs of fluffy socks, so 1.5 per pair, so 0.75 per sock

Like my issue with fluffy socks is the outside, like the fur gets all dirty, like bc its fur and you are literally walking on it

So these seem like a good solution

Now, 1 by one

The nail polisher, i wanted a dremmel since years, but never actually got it, and thats a dremmel, but i can also do nails

So i get the other tools for it, and its a dremmel

Wifi camera, bc i was already trying to set 1 up, so i got that

Next, a electronic eyebrow cutter, bc i saw that a while back and like i dont like plucking them, and it was also on sale, like it seems like such a help in getting that routine stable and not having to deal with the pain of plucking, also like probably faster

I am giving another smartwatch a try, maybe this one has a heart rate sensor~

Laptop stand, i heard they actually make a big difference in perceived living quality, so i wanna try

Foot peel thing, bc i have to get smooth at some point

Plastic flower, bc they expensive and on sale, and i need flowers

Next is something interesting

Thats a hair remover

I wouldn’t buy it for 10, but for 3 i will try it, like if it works, thats amazing

Like comments were good

Last is a automatic door closer, bc i do smart home, like i am not getting the futuristic sliding doors~ so like they can close on their own, like automatically openers are 1-200,so that will be enaugh for now^~^

All in all, 10 items for 31, so average, 3.1 per item with some really cool stuff in there

Like i like shopping like that^~^

Next cycle i need, the Bluetooth keyboard

The mirror foil i did not get, bc i don’t even know which size i need, like its dependent on the monitor, which i dont have yet~

Like i have some really pretty gloves i want, maybe they are in budget then^~^

Posted on

Btw shout out

To my history teacher girl with the poncho you know who you are

She told me about the industrial revolution stuff

Like it makes total sense, but i wouldn’t have made that connection myself

And like to the teacher girl collecting my random drawings on stuff, in case i get famous

Posted on


They made it so you can scan their qr code to make a appointment,

Like i cant be mad at that, thats good execution

Like i am quite curious if it solved waiting times

Like usually ppl just show up, get a number and like chill there for 2 h

But like if you do it like this, like you can actually manage how ppl show up

That should in theory make opperations smoother

Like the girls there looked more chill than usual

Posted on

So i got

The results from like the cryo thing

Thats quite potent, aint it?

I am almost 3x ing in concentration

And doubleing in progressive mobility

35 are stoners, and 5.5 got lost doing circles 😀

The other guys in my family are actually into sports, and like buff and training, like they probably nuke this test out of the water

Posted on


I was to unregister the car, you need to first make a appointment online

Like i am preaching digital revolution, like i cant really be mad about that

With the hormones, i finally shouldnt needt to go anywhere anymore

Like watts said that

Like he was talking to some business guy which was like

I need to be everywhere, its best i just buy a helicopter

And reply was

No, dont do it, ppl will just expect you to be everywhere even faster

Its something like that, ill be there eventually

If you really need me fast, send a driver to get me

Like the dealers have those anyways, they are not disturbing themselves

Like whats that urgent?

Its not worth sending the driver?

So why did you expect me to be there fast then?

Like its just me beeing comfy

And like ppl will probably only get me if its something worth my time

Like i am still going places, but without time preasure

Like things are really adapting greatly to my new fee^~^

Posted on

Also like

This trans stuff has a history of ppl robbing banks for us

Like its a state medically described by pain, meaning dysphoria

So like if its money, like guys will find money for us

Like going back a lot

Trans ppl were obviously collected by the shamans, bc they were picking out all the odd kids to train them

So like they were historically in the position of like helping with birth, wound healing, drugs, spirits and narrative

Like its the wounded healer archetype

So ppl have this deep intuition of, nah you can’t be having something eat you, having you around is kinda good, besides general empathy

Posted on

I keep having

bad dreams

This time i died 2 times in 1 dream

Also i was shown like odd skeletons room by room

Like here is this fish tail a baseball player caught during a game

Here is this massive prehistoric crustation

Like those were too big for my liking

Also i drove in a bus down a cliff, i wasn’t driving, or only partially

I can’t remember rn how i died yesterday, or the day before ~

Anyone wanna bet whats about to happen?

Like i have a bad feeling ~

Posted on

Oh amd

Where is that arrow pointing to?

Like since years i am looking at those stars like

Thats a arrow, where is it pointing to?

Like i know the german name for that star formation, but like

Thats a arrow

Like who cares about logic, i bet there is something interesting there

Like it was 1 of those fist books of human history translated where they are talking about the war in the heavens and stars and how these ships battled each other

Like thats scientific heracy i cant talk about without looking stupid and linking the source material

But like its heracy and i loved to read it for some reason

Like for all i know that book is non existent for most ppl living, and i will probably also never see it again, but interesting to know it exists

Like it was only a short paragraph in a long book, but i was like

I didn’t expect you to be here

Like old books are a trip

Like the emerald tablets beeing like

Yeah go there, then go there, then you see that thing which looks like the sphinx?

Yeah under that you will find my ship

Like there are tunnels there, but if anything was ever there, like it certainly is not there anymore

Like officially recognized tunnels now

Like i believe it when i see it

But interesting to read from some old Egyptian crystal tablet

Like who knows whats fake and what not, but like interesting to read certainly

Like if someone faked it, at leat they made it interactive and made sure the vibe was right, i can respect that

Did you know the pyramids were no tombs, like Egyptians have tombs, with great wall art, but the pyramids never had a single mummy in them

Like idk what they are, but certainly interesting that thats wrong

Like idk maybe they just give a lot of shade in a place with a lot of sun

Posted on

I am oddly switching

Between vibes, working 2 shifts is really making me fluffy~

If i am using morally reprehensible behavior without limiter, for a highly moral cause,

Is that socially good or bad behavior?

That was another paradox, wasnt it..

Lets ask my priest about how the church handled that in the past:p

Jk, but like i need to sleep~

Posted on

On another note

I had some time ago, where i was looking for a therapist, and like i called someone

And i described it as transgender stuff

And they were like

Can you rephrase that, if you call it stuff, it sounds like you are not talking it seriously

And i renamed it transgender cluster

Which is the same linguistics, doing the exact same, and exactly for it looking the same i used it

Like i am a brat

And they understood what i was doing

But like it doesn’t matter, i can call it

A transgender r group

Using chemical language

Making it sound really important and technical,

But all i am saying is stuff, and all the chemists are saying is stuff

Like category substitution is valid no matter of placeholder framework

Like if you doubt me bc i call something stuff, like then i have other issues

Like i know where thats coming from, thats the professional

I wanna look good even when i have no idea what i am doing

But that just makes opperations foggy for me too

Like if i am stupid i do well if someone tells me

Like i dont need to look artificially professional

My general competence is working well without that

Like i renamed it to fluff

Bc it looks prettyer

But like not as a appeal to professionalism

Like nah, if am doing things professionally, then i cant ignore the paradoxes and contradictions surrounding taking things seriously

Like its professionalism, but not to its full conclusion, if you really go all the way, you need to take all the meta layers and paradoxes into your consideration

If you can then still proclaim it needs to be taken seriously, which is not really defined in that context, so do that too, then please do so

But i dont think thats something reasonable, at least not fro. My view

Well, it depends, on how much the general public will not trust you without the artificial linguistic claim to seriousness

Like i get it, ppl are annoying, and its easy, like do whatever, everything is valid for itself

But like i am just randomly thinking trew stuff which happened a eternity ago by my standards ~

And i should sleep..

Like how serious is transgender?

Who wants to see me not getting my hormones beeing emotionally unstable for longer periods and doing what i do when i get frustrated in increasingly extensive intervals, hands up

, excluding the ppl who want drugs, guns, or are mad at society,

Like yes, i am a absolute brat and i will trow massive tantrums

Good thing we have hormones ^~^

Like measure it by ppl possibly dying bc i got mad and had a idea, instead of how i name it, thats should do

Like i am beeing a good puppy rn, but what if i had no reason to?

Posted on

I am

So odd as a girl

Like i know i can ask stuff without having the male sexual tension there, so i will

Like i am still overstepping, but its not that severe, so like i am just curious and empathic

Like i asked the random girl with the 3 some, how she is doing with her bf bc she seemed so down

Like why u so desperate there if its just fun you 2 decided to look for

You seem to be trying to correct something by that, u okai?

Like if girls dont know i am trans, they will just tell me, like if they know they dont

Like both are good, good luck with it

But like they understand why i asked, after they declined, at which point i will obviously ask for some sort of payment for that help

Like i am curiously overstepping into private territory without thinking about it, but i wont push, i am pricing

Like my general character is already quite foreward, so like i dont need to push, i got momentum

And i will just trip acidentaly in and out of your mindframe

Like its classified as a accident bc of general motion of character

Like i have no idea how i got there, i was curious and smelled emotions

Like female tools beeing so close to the intuitive usecase border, really does me favors

In moving threw social spaces without looking like i am doing something odd

Like i usually am, but not in any way someone could imagine, or i would understand well enough to misuse

Like usually i am just chilling with the 15 sec memory of a goldfish and the tools of life and death having no idea what exactly i was up to, but happily doing something

For some reason that doesn’t look odd if you a girl, but as a guy it does

Idk i didn’t make the rules~

Posted on


U kmow i look at furrys and go, do you ppl never run out of drugs?

Then i remember who i am~


Like i am a artist, i will claim that as in the job description, and relay it via a appeal to productivity to progressing society

That seems bout right

Also i think i attached it to the medicine category

Like thats how we got them, bc we raided natives stuff and brought it back, including their medicine kits, containing the drugs

Like in the great shamanic tradition i still put drugs to the medicine and bandages

Like thats where they belong, it’s child and animal safe, like medicine is stored generally

It embodies the dangers and attaches the mental warning label you have with medicine in general

Like if you store it in a random drawer, it has the danger classification of random drawer

Which like is the wrong classification

Also like if you got caught with it, like having it with the meds is the most responsible position they could be at

Like ppl cant explain why, but they usually understand which kind of person would store it there

Like we have a place for dangerous substances, but the history and tradition of these drugs got erased by the drug war, so the association is not to where they belong

Like if you think about it for 2 sec, you go

Oh yeah, thats quite obvious

I put the possibly dangerous substance with strong usecase, to the possibly dangerous substances with strong usecase

But like the cultural pathway for that thinking pattern got detached bc that tradition is missing for these particular substances

Like i will always argue child and animal safety before legality

Like laws change, but entities always die the same way

Posted on

I think

Like the biggest thing i took away from mckenna

Was this attitude of

Dont sanktify me for the stupid fluff which pops randomly into my head

No one knows where thaughts come from~

Like you dont need to make yourself bigger, ppl will do that all on their own

The bigger issue is ppl claiming you something which you are not

And then you either have to match that, or explain the difference

So this attitude gives a great out to that, just bc you can go

Nah that was your idea, i am just living dude, i ak a fox, idk:p maybe its like that who knows ~

Go verify it yourself, you should do that anyway, why u trusting a random fox?

Posted on


To the question, how much do i understand and don’t understand

I cant tell

Making the assumption i understand as much as i sometimes do seems hubristic

Like i see as much as i dont see i would say

Measure that by my brilliance or stupidity

Like you got to watch me for some time, what do you think?

Like i am aware of that question in the first place ~

Posted on


Guy, much appreciated ^~^

Its so odd from someone idk my generation

Like u call ppl and they are suprised someone is calling them,

Like thats the culture with phones

But like its obvious if you make a account somewhere, like its on the internet, its public facing, like obviously ppl are gonna show up~

Like i feel like

The argument often heard is that young ppl are always on their phones

Like yes, but they are also the ppl least likely to respond to anything

Like they have learned from young, that obviously ppl can contact you, so they know how to deal with that, and are not confused or suprised by it

And blur out most of the stuff anyways

Also like, who is selling person to person, if you can mass market

Like even the criminals are mass marketing

Like i may be a special case, bc i am not that shy with stuff and am writing my diary publicly

Like it doesn’t get more idgaf

Btw anyone wanna comission some furry diaper porn or buy some lsd? :p

Like if i as the artist am a sign of my time

Then things are quite interesting

Like as always, but yougetme

Like there is this idea of sodom and gomora if ppl are just allowed to do whatever, but like, you wish, things are as boring as ever and self organizing as before Christianity

Like ppl may have grassrooted the church on a surface level, but with that many drugs in circulation, like the appeal to the divine, which is the orinal value to be preserved will always remain in some form

ALSO btw, like my function is here is actually also a quite old social function

Ppl going somewhere exploring something, coming back to the fire and telling stories about it, and showing what they found

Like the divine realms count to that

Like thats not a new thing, thatsreaaaaaaaaaaaly old actually

Like the methods of telling have changed, but the thing in itself is a core social function

Shout out mckenna xx

Like also, but the suicidal stuff

Like i say that, but like i said it before

I was sitting there going with the doc threw my stuff struggling to find something which counts as suicidal

Like how couldn’t you be with my life like thats odd~

Like i thaught i found something and doc was like, that doesnt couldn’t for like 5 or 10 things

Like such a odd situation, like great^~^ but what?

Living is such a puffly endeavor

Posted on


If you feeling suicidal

Like i got the math, selling stuff, deep historical stuff, the metaphysical, coding, technological, etc etv stuff all, and i am still sitting here like

Just end me

So like idk maybe its the hormones with me, but like it may just be that life is suffering

Like damn budists

Like i got a headache rn, so that explains it rn, but u get me

Like i could literally turn a toaster into a stargate and would sit there like

Can i get struck by lightning now?

Like i am quite sure something is not right about that, but maybe thats just how things be

Posted on

Can i just say

Usually i always prefer the original voice of something, bc like the production was there going

Nah they jusy lost their entire family, keep that in mind when you say that etc

But Morgan freemans voice is a lot more..


In the german syncro

Like Englisch is always more melodic

But like the german is like you pushed his voice into the foreground with a compressor and rolling r s

Like the English sounds a lot more epic, but the german is also a bit deeper

Posted on

I just had

Another girl ask on that app

Like u wanna join a 3some

Like i just went, i am transgender, u aware of that, like no one seems to read my bio~

Like i am doing well as a girl, just beeing transgender is stupid:p

Like getting the hormones soon will be a pleasure

Posted on

Btw like

Obviously i pay myself first

Like thats how business is done

Like i have my budget

And then everything else is payed

Like if there is trouble with something its usually not about 20

So like i dont buy random fluff bc i dont have a overview over how much i can spend

I can keep my budget in my head, i cant keep all the transactions on my account in short term memory

Posted on


So what i am probably buying this cycle

10 pairs of fluffy socks

A Bluetooth keyboard with TouchPad and backlight

Like i wanted this one but they are not letting me buy it

A wall mount for the monitor

1 way mirror foil for a smart mirror

Like if i can get the board to work, and my humidity and temp sensor arrives, likr i think i got everything from a smart home perspective i need for now

Like my toilet is glowing, i think i am good

Like then i can truly connect stuff

Like if i have a monitor in a picture frame on the wall, and a smart mirror to display stuff

The main light for the main cycle, and the leds for sub cycles/pattern setting

Then i set everything up so i can voice comand

Like i still want the led cube paw patrol hologram display

Just bc it looks so futuristic and like i can display things in 3d, like i like that

Its like 30 to make, so like some of the next cycles, like maybe theres a better option

But like my main things are still the same, washing clothes and making food

Like if you in a bigger city, like theres more food than you can count and they bring it to you, like i am sure i can find something healthy

In terms of clothing, like i will just be getting a kigu at some point and be living in that

Like in a smaller city you get so much attention just going out with that, but like in a bigger one, there are so many ppl on the same area, they are used to ppl not giving a shit

Like u still get attention, but they probably have seen 3 ppl like that this week

Like its not like you are going anywhere far if most things are in a 5 min walking radius

Like i can look pretty if i want to, but most of the time, you dont really care and just want to be comfy

Like i am planning on moving near Germanys city of business and commerce, you can be sure there will be a business for everything you need

Like thats sounds like a good fit for me

Like i will not order yet, i think first about if i want anything else or like wanna change something ~

Like i need a keyboard, bc i will be watching something, oh wait, i wanna code something, lemme minimize that and code that and then go back, or do it at the same time, like a remote is not enough, and a full Bluetooth keyboard is overkill, like if i wanna do that much, i just go sit and do it properly

Like the voice control cant really do that~

Like the main things are moving and side job, and those are both big ticket items

So like then i have all the toys i could want

So like i have less things to blame on for not doing stuff

Posted on


I am thinking about top layer

Bc i would like to adapt that

I can’t decide between a silky green fabric and green flannel as like a over shirt layer

Like obviously i am detailing the social signaling eventually ~

Like i know how much focus is on shoes,

So ill either go slippers

Toe shoes, exactly bc there is so much attention on that spot

I also found like really hyper shoes

Like if i say connect lsd to sports, i mean like connect lsd to something like the shoe which looks like a Lsd trip 😛

Like thats probably a offbeat of something, like idk i am not Shoe person

But like if u buy that, like i got all the attention even more, so like ill probably go slippers or something ~

Also i think i get it now, there are these fluffy fine velvet socks which look really fancy

And i think those normal fluffy sucks are the attempt to make that cheaper or something, idk

Seems reasonable~

Like i think i found what i am looking for

Like they are basically ballet shoes for outside, like i am already wearing the ballet pants~

That should be comfy enaugh

Like i dont really care that much bout fancy shoes, like i am artsy, i will buy the most interesting ones, but like

My feet dont get dirty or wet? Yeah i am happy, like if you can actually walk in them, i am even more happy :p

Like i dont like ugly, me artist

Like didnt i wanna hide more ~

Like i go forward as always, i need to also give me some hiding space

Posted on


Why i mentioned that ppl getting more homophobic

Like i am not refferencing a vague fear

Like maybe too, but what i was intending was

Things usually have gravity, meaning what goes up comes down, so things kinda move in a double helix sine curve

So the question is not if, but when

Like i usually call that a cycle bc most circles are spirals, which in 3 dimensions are sine/cosine waves

Like that goes deep into how irrational numbers work

Like how you construct a triangle, those functions you use and just learned without thinking about it, they are calculating the triangle by calculating a circle, which is sin/cosin which in 3 dimensions is a spiral

So that pattern of the irrational numbers is going threw all sorts of domains, including homophobia and the opposite, homophilia?, however

So the question is, if that cycle is big enaugh/ bigger than my life span

Like its more complex, bc you have sub games/sub spirals, where you have something happening, you have a counter reaction, to which you have a counter reaction etc etv..

So you can basically sum that and then calculate the sums against each other and get a average moving point, over time a line

Like you cant calculate that, bc you cant track every social event, but the unconscious kinda does that automatically for me

Like with social interactions you are already deep into chaos mathematics

Bc there are sooooo many variables with everything and information degregation etc etv

So like obviously thats on my radar

Like i am trying to remember why irrational numbers are doing that again

I think its something like

I am conflicting terms, its imaginary numbers, not irrational numbers

I think it was something like they are adding another dimension to the number line

Like the number line is quite line like

So if the number line is the concious, the imaginary numbers are the unconscious

But i am not a Mathematician

Heres the urban dictionary definition

The mathematical symbol i is the square root of negative one.

i is not the only imaginary number. It is but the first number in a yet unsubscribed numerical system. It is metaphorically equivalent to the place of the number 0.

The number sequencing (such as 0, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, ) of the imaginary system consists of all of all prime roots of any whole prime negative number. Unlike our Arabic number system, which has ten digits, the imaginary number scale is infinitely unique and never repeats itself. It instead overlaps.

The imaginary number system is not linear. The numbers do not stand next to each other in a line, but ripple outwards from the negative prime in a quantum manner. As there are infinite number of whole prime roots of each prime negative number, the main question in developing this theory is how to determine an ordered sequence of usable numbers.

While the use for the imaginary number system has yet to be discovered, it may help to describe the imbalance of energy which causes there to be a difference in the amount of matter and antimatter in the universe. As such that no ‘real’ equation has been discovered that can describe anti-matter, it may be that a yet unexplored system of mathematics is key to understanding it.

The square root of negative one is i
Any other root of negative one is undefined.

The next number examined would be the square root of negative two. From there outward, expanding infinitely, would be all prime roots of negative two.

Then to negative three, and then five. Seven follows, and eleven and thirteen. Et cetera, Ad nausium.

The points interest in the imaginary number system would be the intersection of similar prime roots of separate negative numbers.

No other symbols for the imaginary numbers have been created for this system.

Posted on


Like still feel the snakes under my skin, but it has gotten far better

Like i didnt mention that~

Like i had that like a year ago

Just a random moment with a vision of like snakes all over my arms

Like i am a psychedelic person

I am less scared than curious

Like oh i get it, you like my body heat, thats understandable

Like reading the social structure is not something thats possible, i dont even question why or how there are snakes, its just how things are

Like i have a saying for that

Its nothing which would exist

So like i don’t see the snakes, thats was 1ce for a split second tripped randomly into another realm

But like after that it was quite clear, like that feeling thats snakes

Like there is some deep symbolism, with snakes and dragons there, which also relate to why they occurre with such states of distress

But like i am actually more happy knowing its snakes, than just a vague feeling

Like can you proof that?

Proof what?

The snakes?

What snakes?

The ones that dont exist

They dont exist


Like its that simple

But like if the snakes are happy, i am too^~^

Like its just how i personally make deals with entities, i have this coincidencia oppositorum vibe of, yeah u a snake, but u a ally or not?

Like if its about entitys, like i said a while a go, there is a shamanic technique without drugs

Like u put on shamanic drums, close your eyes, and use analogy

Everything going down, ladder, stairs, river, trapdoors etc, gets you into the lower realm, everything going up, into the higher realm

Like you can call it a trans like state

Like in the lower, i had a encounter

Like there is psychedelic rules there

Something was randomly attacking, me, so i force fielded it, and went, you were trying to kill me, so i can kill you?

It agreed and i killed it

Like i didnt want to be disrespectful

Like sometimes you just kill something

So like its me personally trying to vibe with things, bc you can always just kill without issue

Like thats also what i was getting at, whats underlying 2 psychedelic ppl making business deals

I think i described it as both Partys basically in a cold war situation with nuclear weapons ready

Like thats underlying that, both partys beeing aware of all the cards by default, and both beeing able to make every possible move

So like you just try to vibe and play, bc both are not shy to act with force and divine justification

Posted on

I am so happy ^~^

They send me the money*-*

Like the thing is i dont trust

So like i haven’t gotten money from that company before

So like i was not convinced and expecting things to attack me again, till i get that money

Like i dont think they are scammers, but i dont trust till i see it~

Holy yes, that great ^~^

I am happy <3

Like it also validates working

Like psychologically, a promise for money is not snapping, untill you have seen money before

Like if you theoretically know you get something you will loose interest after some time, bc you have not actually seen some

Like if you are fishing somewhere and you dont catch anything, you try a different spot, even if someone promises you you will

Same with someone promising big fish, and you only see small ones

But if you have gotten a fish there before, you understand its possible, and are far more likely to continue fishing there

Like that great news^~^

Like i still need time till i am calm again, that issue with the social insurance, still is open, and i got another letter from another direction about something~

Like i am blissful and delighted ^~^

But also there is still dragons arround_

But also 😊

Posted on

U know

If things happen to get really homophobic,

The first thing i get into is weapons, like officially

Bc like, you can be as homophobic as you want, you think 2ce before you start shit with the arms dealer

Also i can sit on palettes of arms with a good explanation of why i have them

Fun fact, you needa gun lisence to shoot a gun, but not to manufacture them

Like citizens dont get licenses for weapons of war anyways, so it would be stupid to require one, but u get me

Posted on

I am finally

Getting to watching the rest of that adastra video

I am not threw yet, but like i havent seen a reference yet, that those characters also represent cultural parts

Like if you frame the culture as a person, those are sub personalities of that person

Diffrent historical influences with different values forming the greater personality/society

Posted on

Back to the political

Like idk elsewhere, but here

To me it looks like found family nepotism

Where you have like youth sections of the main partys, which are there, but dont really have any say in anything

And are there in this infantalized state, hoping to inherit the option to actually do something eventually

Like thats not how things work, smart ppl are smart at any age

And if we assume a democracy where everyone has equal weight, then thats not matching

Seeing that, i have absolutely no interest bc things look so off

Like i am not saying give all the decisions to the young, that would be stupid, we would be in a war faster than you can count

Like if we go back to the greeks, where it came from

Like we dont have that, we have indirect democracy, so my decision means even less,

Having a discussion should give everyone interested a oppertunity to speak and bring forth

Then you can decide

Like thats not official, but have you seen anyone my age group speak about anything

Yeah exactly, like if you want me to take on these democratic globaslistic frameworks, then make things democratic and then we can talk

And if they speak, its like this vibe of

Oh the apprentice politicians are speaking who actually dont have a say in anything yet, but are training

Like nah, thats not flying

Like i will just go and make structures which do not include your decision making

Like thats not really any loss, which is its own thing to be talked about

Like nah ppl are not gonna beg you to reform and restructure, or do Revolution or anything

They just make something better and move on

With that globalism, but no need for you

Leaving you to do whatever, debating into eternity

Posted on


Someone finally slay me with a sword?

Like i am at that, but like bleh~

I am dead, now i s l eeep

Btw i am not any fool, i am a holy fool

Bc i got the appeal to respondsebility in my functions

Btw like i said before why i dont vote, like i am German, the political stuff is not really my regard, bc from a systematic perspective, it will not make a difference bc of population numbers by age, so its not a loaded topic, bc why would i care about politics i have no meaningful vote in

Like u can say, then make your own party and participate, but like no, if everyone votes in their interest, and you make a party, defined vague as representing the wants of the younger generation, then that party will still never be at any point to change anything, untill that generation is almost dead anyways, defeating the whole point for starting it, like there is systematically no reason to participate for me or regard that entire system, bc why would i

But like posting peterson, is generally seen as a political statement by ppl in the us, but like differentiating by politics like that

Like the other side also has good ideas, but idk they are so bad at stating clearly what they mean without loading it to hell with ideology

And going out of that again, like making something complex simple, without loosing data, but distilling it, is hard, and thats why its valuable

I will be interested in everything which does that

Like it may be pretty ideology, but mostly its the same cookie cutter ideas

Btw, in the us, its not dualistic, you have the option to choose a 3rd party as far as i know, but obviously neither side is mentioning that

Posted on

The wound

Is slowly closing up

Like you can still see where the impurity is, but its getting better

Like its so white, bc the skin there is dry, bc it was under another skin layer

Like everything around it, has regrown the lower layers and is just missing the top part

The next time, it has probably done the top layer, and the lower layers of the white part, and that shouldn’t be white anymore, bc its exposed to the creme directly and gets some moisture

Ill see if i can switch to wound healing creme next time if its only top layer missing and the impuritys got pushed out well

Maybe it wasnt a impurity but just the deepest point where it was missing skin

Posted on


This telemarketing sales culture, to me feels like

Ppl saw wolf of Wallstreet and went, thats cool, i wanna do that

But didn’t adjust for time

Like back then ppl were still hyped to buy stocks, and telemarketing was not as known, and generally no internet as today

Like it was quite a different world

Like your grandmother is on edge about ppl calling, i am not even picking up my phone, like its not the same territory

Also like i dont think ppl have the motivation by reward, or the amounts of cocain to do that

Like they got the job, so they might as well buffet this stuff

Like its still great fun

But like the small linguistics are the last 10% for optimization

90% are beeing in the right time at the right place

Like young guys go ham on that obviously, bc male brain and narrative

Like i am just a old fox~ if you give me 200000 i am gonna look at you in horror bc of the responsebility probably associated with it

But like possible, but not anywhere someone made a movie about it, rn or, back 30 years ago

Like if it works, bc the market is not saturated, meaning ppl don’t know about it yet

Posted on

Idk i have

Such a odd relationship to uppers, coffeeine makes me sleepy

Ritalin does too

Really dont like opiates, like dont like dex, meaning codeine

Idk odd high, really not my cake, but interesting dreams, but odd colors

Speed makes me neurotic

Weed is dope

Cocain is really yellow, i like that, like the feeling is yellow

Posted on

I see

They still haven’t changed the naming thing

Like they want like 500-1000 to change your name and 2 indipendent ppl agreeing you are trans and asking questions

Like they proposed, that you can just register it, like you would register anything else

Like with the hormones and stuff, like i am just changing the name everywhere

Like if reality changes and your burocracy is not keeping up, thats not the issue of reality

Like i am just editing stuff

Like i will look like a girl, everyone subjectively looking at it will see why i changed that without any issue

Like you may say, i can’t do that with a official document

Well, sticker printer go brrrr

Like it will cause all sorts of issues

Like yes, thats the point 😀

And i will ignore all of them on purpose :p

Like you tracking what i am doing is not really my concern

Like that person stopped existing, if you insist, it does, like have fun tracking that person

I am giving out my new name

Like i could just buy another passport, but i think a sticker does the same

Like i am just telling ppl i am transgender, that person does not exist anymore, its the new name

And ill let them assume and change things

Like i never said i officially changed that legally, but all your official records are slowly getting rewritten

End even if someone asks specifically

Like i go, yeah they want 1000 for that, thats the new name and just sit on that

Like ppl can see how stupid that is themselves

Like its the same as me walking into places

If someone asks, like i just walked in, i just changed it

Posted on


I just noticed, i can do voice overs too

Like i have options

But like things are slow bc i just got hit by something again

Like i am still cautious

I need my buffer, get my money, from working and have the cryo payed, car gone, have my hormones

Like from there i can work on whatever

Like i was just getting comfy~

Like today after working, i just sleep till i am done, clean and see really slowly what i do with this mess

Like i am glad my rate is increasing every week, bc this life is deadly

Like having that, and soon the big ticket art items, is so motivating

Like that would be market manipulation in any other industry

But art has no intrensic value and is hard to value in general

So if i offer something for that price, and someone buys it for that price, thats what its worth

Like its a interesting opportunity

Bc if it establishes itself in the market by any means, suddenly all my art is measured by that value

Everything i make gets a buff, just by that existing in my store

Like even if its not selling, it existence is still casting a shadow on everything else

Like if you walk into a store and you see those big ticket items

Like you may not be able to get them, but it makes everything in that store quite fancy

Posted on

Like if i have a buffer

I am not planning on moving, no car

Like i am chilling in a good place

Like idk i chill, edit some videos, meet new ppl, smoke weed and make art

Like my long term success is the same as my short term success

Like if things are in place, like who has will be given

If the side business snaps in, the rest does too

Posted on

Okai, so what else do

I do besides not dying

Art is included in the business model, drugs is included,

I would really like the social participation projects

Psychologycal should be good with the transgender

The wand fills sex, bed i recently fixed, so thats good, i added the light to the toilet, added the air filters etc, food i can upgrade, water is good, blood test was good

Safety, i need to do the general checkup, and have the side business before moving, also smoking gone

Love, i need to work on, like i placed the furry thing there exactly to stabalize that

But like it will be meeting ppl in the new city close to where i am living

Esteem layer is done with the social participation project

I am quite confident, and self esteem is not something i am missing :p respect of others is in the working

Btw thats Maslows hyrarchy of needs

Like its only a reference, but like i said before, just use the map ^~^

Like if everything goes well, ill move, run my business till it eats the job and make friends and stuff

Posted on


What comfortable in selling means is debatable

Like it can be a Gilgamesh broing up of 2 ruff guys to kill a beast

Or like i use it just a honest emotional connection of childlike happiness

Like the question of is that real or played

Idk i have already forgotten what i am doing and am lost in the moment

Posted on

I realized something

A moment is a black box

Thats done in programming as a thinking help

You are not a servant to time and its not running away

Bc there is no object to reference there

There is no a time

Like yes there are differences between set parameters

But there is no god given time

Like i cant really get the concept down rn, but i needed to note something before its gone

Posted on

I swear

I do whatever all day

I work a bit and am dead

Like its not bad work

Like i had a girl beeing really happy i called again

Like her husband had this tone in his voice of like, wife, have you gone mad, why are you so exited about this random questionnaire person calling

Like she was pleasant ^~^

Like its one of these hard selling industries

The most secret technique for hard sells is

Just creating a pleasant environment where ppl actually want to talk to you

Like you dont buy from someone you dont like

So like just Vibing is actually a good sales tactic

I said it before, idk why ppl would listen to me about sales advice:p

But like its so interesting to see ppl try to figure out tricks and stuff, like just asking nicely for something probably works most of the time

And if not.. Idk start a holy crusade:D

Like i am a brat, but like leave them there, with the offer open if they decide they wanna come back later, like no pressure

Like Your doctor is not hard selling you, and if he is, he is telling you are gonna die

Like i said nothing about lying

Like i understand how to do that thing of being nice, i just forget it always, besides like 3% of the time

Like lets see if the hormones flip that ratio^~^

Oh btw when i was working full time back then , i was drugged up to hell with a mixture of things most ppl probably never heard of

Like i was just chilling collecting plants in the forest all day

Like i am not good at it, but like some basics i get, and its chill, especially when completely high out of your mind

And i think was growing mushrooms and ergot again back then in a dream

Posted on

I still think

We should attach acid to fitness

Like i recently had a dream where i gave someone a hit, and the next time i was there, their apartment was all clean

Like it fixes your patterns

So if you can add something like running to microdosing, like its the same idea as all those sport shoe brands

Like it needs some sort of mythos to guide ppl

Like attaching a sport routine, will stabalize the individual taking it

Like you dont want to trash it with ideologys, but like some basic stabalizers

Sport, food, water, breathing

Basic tools for routine implementation

Like it needs to be put together nicely, but like some basics, and let the next generation build upon that after they tested it

Like the drug war eradicated the guiding paradigms we had for drug use

It deleted the traditions

Its like giving ppl alcohol but without anyone actually knowing something about it, or something to reference

Like when the Europeans came to America, baught alcohol, and ppl were just mad drunks, bc they had no cultural refferencing to guide them

Like embed it in the systematic cyper paradigm of the next cycle, so ppl intuitively understand how to use it

So they can just get the docs on acid

Actually i should make that, make a github about acid basics

So like, they can just pull the mindframe from the package repository

Like i am sitting on the namespace authority to do that

And i have the practical understanding

With the historical background

Like put that on the list

Posted on

U know

The psychedelic thing also brings something else

A strange trust which i call

Everything is as it should be

Like you can call it a faith in god if you go a century back

Like its really calming

Like its explainable, but ill just declare it mystic for now for lazyness sake

Posted on

I think i have understood something

Having like 10 ppl read your stuff/talk bout you at most moments

Like thats mad

It made me understand something

Using that to just sell something is misunderstanding what you have been given

Like it would be such a waste of human attention

I will restructure a bit, to include projects where ppl can participate

Like if you look at the number, ppl become numbers

But like i am usually not looking at my statistics, i am reading the general social field by intuition

So i will try to make sure i dont overlook where the actual value lies in what i am doing

Like money is a measure of value, not the value itself

Posted on


I have actually ppl watching 0-0

Thats so scary~

I will try to keep not checking my stats, thats so odd~

Like i am a site, in the middle of nowhere without any social media presence

Like it sounds great, yaay i get more ppl, but that also means, oh no i am getting more influence and responsibility ~

Like those are not, i clicked a cat video and somehow ended up there ppl~

Like thats so scary

Posted on

Okai, next thing

You remember the morning wakeup playlist i made some time ago?

I can now take that, connect it to the smarthome and play it when i am supposed to wake up

Like the stuff/packages i do, goes to different times and places

Like its not linear, its multidimensional

Then i can subdivide that timeframe with the leds into work and non work

Btw the thing i said about the job not paying enaugh

I got that job, bc of how flexible i cam do shifts and stuff

Like i would be contradicting why i got that kinda job in the first place, if i would work all days all hours~

Bout 20 days of smoking left~

Posted on

Okai, next thing

You remember the morning wakeup playlist i made some time ago?

I can now take that, connect it to the smarthome and play it when i am supposed to wake up

Like the stuff/packages i do, goes to different times and places

Like its not linear, its multidimensional

Btw the thing i said about the job not paying enaugh

I got that job, bc of how flexible i cam do shifts and stuff

Like i would be contradicting why i got that kinda job in the first place, if i would work all days all hours~

Posted on

Its quite funny

So i was getting into my new morning routine

And it was automatically raising confusion, bc my clothes were not prepared

Like i previously had those routines chained, so it was automatically expecting clothes to be ready, and got confused 😀

Like i had all my routines in place was working full time and i just got so massively bored by having everything aligned and nothing really happening that i started traveling again:p

Like i need a bigger city with stuff and ppl to do to keep me entertained

Like you could have snorted coke from that apartment floor towards the end without any worries, i was so bored

Like i said it before

Creative ppl are sorting machines, we just oversort into infinity

Posted on

I am done working

And for some reason i have a craving for hardboiled eggs~

Like my manager is great, cant complain about him

Also i just called someone, and they were like older and didn’t understand

And girl went

What was she asking

Like female works if i want to

Posted on

Like i just

Go and set a new routine in place,

Like this should be a lot easier than things are

Like ppl usually take weeks or months to like pick up a new habit

I just go, lets put that there, and that there

Like something is not working there and its not the pattern setting

Bc i also have a quite rapid learning curve in comparison

Like looking at the parts itself, like things should be really easy, and them not beeing is a bit odd

Like me beeing smart is not even a question at this point, its just self evident

Which makes this even more odd

Like my mum had this moment of

Hes smart, and her partner was like


And my mum replied

Like yeah but you can see it so much

Which like, yeah its so self evident

That you cant really blame something beeing off on just beeing stupid

Like if it was something i could fix, i would probably already know about it and had solved it 20 times over

Like i am so curious if i am right with the transgender stuff

Like i have gone this far, there must be some motivation, but also i am just generally curious

But like it does not seem like a good deal on a rational level, so me beeing so insistent, despite that, makes me feel quite confident in there being something worth more than the drawbacks associated with it

Like if it were ideological, it would have been dissolved 10 tabs back

Like i am not that insistent with anything which brings me money, where i am literally offered a monetary reward

Posted on

Can i just say

How practical my behavior is

Like i get mad and start cleaning

Like its so productive :p

Like its definitely not a healthy mindstate but such a good pattern:D

Like the thing is if i would stay and think forever about what i did wrong, like in that time i would have probably already distributed weapons, drugs and ideology

So like i just move on like nothing happened

Like i said it before, i had a girl who got so irritated by me just moving of when i did something wrong

Like its also why i use the brat

Bc its also defined as someone who does something wrong and does not correct their behavior

Like i am correcting it with a wide cycle so it does not fit perfectly, but about

Like i have already forgotten what i did a hour ago, and thats probably not a bad thing :p

Like i am at the same time trying to distribute deadly things while fixing all my patterns, like ill just stop questioning that

Like i cant tell if thats a good pattern or not

Like it looks really paradoxical

Posted on


The girl from my work was actually quite helpful^~^

Like they are paying later, like i suspected, but i am getting part of it and the rest comes next month

Also she told me the insurances might me leaniant about 1 month

Like she gave me a for, which i have already filled out, like i need some number, which i need to get, but besides that its already done

Like thats not the worst case, i am happy^~^

Now i need to do the other side with the soc insurance and see if they can do something

Like girl didn’t mention the contract tho~

Like she was really helping so her focus was on point

Lets see how that develops

Like at some point i should get that insurance money, so i can balance a bit more, and next month i should get more money + some money from this month

So like i still want 3 months of rent before i move

So if nothing odd happens again or related, i should still be in my timeframe

Like i am moving when i have the side job of for instance video editing doing something, like thats a requirement

Like i could survive without it, but if i am setting myself up for a new life in a new city, i want to include that as a starting point

Posted on

Going into thay smoking

Like it is left vague on purpose

Like i cant image it beeing that more harmful than a normal girl smoking

But like its a good marker

Like i can just walk over that if i want to, but its actually like the best opportunity

Like you will not have more patterns changing ever, if you dont stop there, you might as well smoke into your grave

But like that my standpoint, normal ppl just get scared and stop smoking or fall back in fear, bc appeal to authority bleh, idk what that means, better stop

Like its scaring ppl into something but for the best reason

Posted on

In ter3of

Business stuff

Like i will keep onti that pricing and art stuff, thats good

Like your not gonna get simpler than thee entire business model beeing your pricing

Like there are less points of failure

I can drag it along without much issue

The video editing actually fits in my existing frame, bc i was looking for services to sell

Which i now found and can add to my planning as invisoned.

So. Like i have cashflow one, and a long term one which just grows with my general influence

Like ontop of that i can add the ai products if i want, but i would like at least 3 open services

Like things should get like 20 times easier with the hormones if they work like i suspect

Like if you reading my stuff, then i have cemented it quite good with a association of medial treatment and a medical issue exeption into your worldview

But thats actually not saying more than i get a behavior exeption

Like if i am right for good reason

Like its also what i heard rumored by trans ppl

Like they go

Wait, this is how ppl are living? Thats easy mode, have i just been playing on hard:p

Like its like when you stop smoking and you suddenly have a lot more oxygen in your blood to work with

Like thats the second perk i get

Like compared to now, things should be easy

Posted on


With the hormones i am also removing the insurance for like legal stuff

Bc like i am not that involved in anything

Like if they raise a issue about weed, like thats cool, but like the hardest thing about that is not beeing able to drive, which i commented out

Like if i wanna drive, i will drive like ur not stopping me, but like in theory

Posted on


I have a alarm set, and my lamp automatically goes on wheb uts time to wake up

Now i wire the board for the leds

But i can put in a shift om the day i usually dont work at, so i habe 5 days

Posted on


Nah, its stupid to work more, they dont pay enough for that

I do 2 days with 2 shifts, and wait for a situation update, then i can still go up

Else i just destroy the pattern i built

Ah i cant put in the thift for the next week

Like if i add a extra shift whis week

i just kill my pattern completely

Its more expensive to deal with the fallout than to do it next week

Posted on

I am really

Tempted rn

To buy a bunch of cocain with a stolen card to fund my crusade

But thats just the shock, i will chill for now i can still do that later if i want to

Like its no issue when i dont care about my opsec

Like if i dont care about beeing caught like i can get that asap, its just all my abstraction layers and security mechanisms slowing things down and making stuff hard

But like i keep my paws low for now and maybe order some diapers

And wait how things actually present themselves

Like bellum romanum is bellum romanum

Like it mixes so greatly with too much cocain

Like i could just postpone beeing a girl and chilling for a bit

Posted on

Like theoretically the contract should have nothing to do

With the hours, its written on the amount, i should still have gotten that

Same with the money

Like things should look okay, bc silvester was 1 week free from their side, and next week i have 1 shift more as standard

So things should work out long term

Still, if i wasnt registered for that time, that will cause issues, and delay my plans again

I will put the video editing in motion as soon as possible as this is handled and extend to other services rapidly

Posted on


How do i start

First i need to get a risk assessment about how high the fallout would be from the social insurance

Then i talk to my company so they handle that contract

I do everything as it stands to its best, and if thats not enough i start disassembing the social structure

Told ya i dont trust it

Posted on

I am in trouble again

I knew something was off

So like arround Christmas there was no work, so my hour are not enaugh

Like so the job probably did not register me for the insurance

Like they sent me a form for a mini job, which is useless for me, bc no insurance is covered

So this might conflict with my general plans

I will calculate how much it will cost to not produce a amount of guns

There are certainly some guys around angry at something

So ill give it a honest effort ^~^

If that doesn’t work, i go make some presents to some guys

ignore the emotional fallout and watch the chaos

So lets get so solving this:)

Also like is there something more socially destructive than meth?

Like yeah i see that, dont care

Also someone needs to show all these ppl how to use stolen credit cards

I need to get some weed before i do something in a ineffective way

Posted on

Like as a artist

I can complain about art beeing used as a asset for investing

Or i just use a frame which creates investment oppertunitys for ppl:p

Like the value will inevitably rise, bc i am putting the prices up each week

And obviously i start each new art pice with the price of my general rate this week and increase from there

Actually, let me crank the weekly up rate to 110,so it multiplies at a factor instead of linear

Posted on

Actually, in terms

Of pricing

Lemme just raise my price by 100 each week or 2 weeks automatically to create urgency:p

So i was at 12.500/h this week, so next week its 12.600/h

Lets sell art for the same rate, meaning increasing my arts price each week by 100

Posted on


I will need to have a word with my work

They have not send me my work contract

And they send me the paper with what i am beeing payed, with the time for payment ending today

They have not payed, i asked and they received me sending the contract

If they dont get their stuff done i will need to stop working

Like they had over a month to sort it out, i wanna know where it is, i am not happy with that

Like i dont care, but other burocracy ppl need it

Like i need to seriously talk with my manager tomorrow or there will be a issue.

Like their adress is at a university, i don’t think its that they dont, they just probably got the office management of a university

Like thats fine by me, but burocracy is a network so preasure is relayed

Can i finally get a break from this stuff~

I should really have chosen crime