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I want to cry, but i am also happy, but i also want to cry

Isnt it beautifully that in a age where ppls social status is extended into the public perception

I can literally say anything without feeling odd

Like i can declare that i will oppose the state today, have a mental breakdown tomorrow and draw cute animals in my diaper the day after

And it would not seem out of the ordinary ^~^

Like ppl are worried about their social media influencing their job opportunities, i am not sure if i can tell if thats a concern

Like the opportunity to just go and start streaming, while feeling completely comfortable is probably more valuable in the long term

Idk markets are odd this time period

Like idk someone proposed that the pyramid of needs was extended to include a public perception, bc the opportunity to do so now exist, i think thats not too far off

Like i cant complain, like my life is at least not boring, that much is clear

But also like i feel like everything needs its balance

Like the biggest thing that is keeping me from just accepting working a job long term, is the understanding that i would regret it my entire life

Like you get to make choices, if i make choices into a direction i dont prefer, i know i will not get to where i want to go, and i will regret that, bc i knew that when i made the choices, like for every open door you go threw, 1000 doors also close

Something different, ppl are always trying to show me that girls can do manly things, like Emanzipation and, here go do the stuff we want you to do, bc that benefits us

Like i know that, but i simply dont want to

Like as a guy its expected, but its way easier to refuse as a girl, like specifically physical stuff

Like no, i will defend not doing that, bc everyone wants you to do something if you offer that, like i was a guy and i know that, so i strategically refuse it

Like i know you will come back and ask for more, bc you can, you just asked

Like girls can still do that if they choose, like i can if i want to/ care about it, but in general they are not expected

Like i was asked if i wanted to remove a grave stone, bc my dad forgot something, or ignored it, and now i was asked about it, i was even woken up for it

Like my sister would not have been woken up and asked if she wanted to remove a fking heavy stone

So i of course refused, especially bc it was short notice, like dont even start a habit of randomly bringing short notice annoying stuff to me, especially if its bc someone missplaned something, like they were on vacation that day

Then i was later told how diligently the gf of someone worked and helped with it,

Like cool to hear the gossip, she seems nice

I just couldn’t feel like i was told that bc, look girls can be doing that,

Like i know, if thats her thing, cool more stone moving to her, but like i am not her, with a different life and different decisions and goals.

Like girls seem to have this need to show me how emancipated they are, bc finally someone i can teach something to

Like they are automatically qualified by beeing a girl, like its free authority

And like, nah i like to learn stuff on my own, i will ask if i am not sure about something

Like “girl +” is half the population

There is so much diversity in that sample group, that i have enough wiggle room to do whatever i want

Like i am just a brat in general

I know about what i like, and you can go take your experience and put it into the space where you hide your social fears that make you worry you are not a adult that has control over their life

Like your experience is for you, no one else gives a shit about it

Or put differently

If i were to just blindly accept whatever idea of what a female should be, you throw at me, then that would be the same as blindly accepting whatever idea a female should be in general was thrown at you, and why you have that reaction in the first place and try to lecture me about now

Like you would not respect a person like that, and i would neither

Like i pick my toys myself, its the mark of a integrated personality, a character that is based on a internal code of ethics, that was self chosen

Like i appreciate the recommendations and there is certainly good will and a will to help in there

Reality is just hard truths, and no one cares about anything that much if they are not borderline manic

Like i think its also the assumption that i stand on weak grounds, like they assume i am confused in new territory, and i make a easy target for whatever, help or deception, if not even the same

But like i am quite stable in most situations

Like if its about the the image of femininity you heroically fraught yourself free off, like yeah i read the feminist literature, from the high level psychedelic stuff, to the profane scum manifesto stuff, so its pretty likely i have seen the original form of what was told from person to person untill it reached you half lost in information degregation

I have even seen the book where this image of the girl as the “servant” of the man comes from, have not read it yet, but the idea seems to be that

The girl in india did that and her guy build this big building for her, so every girl would like something like that, but it also warns that it needs a good man for that

So that warning part probably got lost a lot, bc its vague and everyone is focused on what they want

It got spread in Amerika by some organisation etc etz

Like those topics are older and deeper, there is certainly some Christian in there

But like..

Chances are that, if you dont know your stuff and think you are a authority bc you are a certain sex

That i may not be impressed by your hubris

Chances are i was actually doing something else and got somehow dragged into that conversation while passing by

Like i am not perfect, just a brat

Like i can stand here like

You wish you had been given the choice if i was a female or not, but you were not, no one gave you that question

Your gatekeeping is not relevant

Like i dont claim the high moral grounds, i claim the low ones, but you certainly do if you feel like i am speaking to you

And in that case, you should be above this petty gatekeeping and transcend your anger with the wisdom of your years, and the understanding of how times change like the seasons, and that you are like a leaf in the wind and you your taughts are like clouds in the sky passing by

You should be aware of the limits of your perception and judgement, and know that reality is more complex than you guarding a social parameter at first sight of a elevated moral placement, you can use to judge from, to get petty revenge on all the times it was done to you

Luckily, i am just a brat in diapers and all that is non of my business, i just go and do what i do

I am the i am, bc therefore i am, i think

You have fun with whatever you are doing, but please don’t drag me into it, thank you, it much appreciated ^~^

*Bleh*